******SiGhZzzz******

Suddenly filled with lotsa "emotions", I dun noe why but sometimes I will have certain "unexplained" feelings about life(gan chu) that just come and go...
Very often Life is fraught with difficulties, we have many things that we wan to achieve but there are always obstacles. Most of the time, we encounter some conflicts in ideas, and often we seek a compromise. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I dunno why I suddenly have this "lost" feeling. Why u ask me? I also dunno why just have this feeling of helplessness.

Case 1: My family have 6 members, there are 4 brothers in the family, now is the new year, thus everyone have to start cleaning up in preparation for the new year, but it seems that I am the only 1 doing it together with my mum, Well I can jolly well leave the whole thing to my mum to clean but then it's hard work climbing up and down thus someone have to help and when I help the others just watch. I just dunno why they are just so damn L..A..Z..Y. My 3rd bro is in NS BMT, I have already cleaned up the whole room, only left his wardrobe and bookshelves for him to clean ok I can understand, he just came back from army training(and sick somemore) which is suppose to be "siong". so I didn't expect him to help much just to clean and tidy up his own stuffs Is that too much to ask? I let him rest on Sat night then ask him politely to clean and tidy up his stuffs on sun morn I think this shouldn't take him more than an hour...but the moment he opened his eyes, his buttocks was glued to the chair and his eyes to the computer monitor. THen before I went out I reminded him again to tidy up and he said "Ok Ok" then I left the house but when I came back everything was still untouched..nothing was done! Urgh...We all stay in the same house so it's EVERYONE's RESPONSIBLITY to help clean up the house right? Just becos I help my mum in spring cleaning almost every year, all of them now assume that it's my job to do the cleaning, and if I didn't do it for 1 year, my dad would jumped(and nag/scold ) at me but not those whom never contribute anything over these years.Then my parents just because I am an early riser, I have to buy breakfast for my family every Sun(well almost) Well I don't mind that actually if everyone takes turns.I don't mind if I am get more of this "duty" as long as every1 else also go down sometimes, now it seems that waking up early is a bad thing. Then I remember previously I used to run most of the errands for my mum just because when my mum calls the others, they would flare up easily and started shouting, Then for this case it seems that my good temper is being taken advantage of. I don't like this feeling at all ...I don't wan to take advantage of others and similarly I don't want others to take advantage of me. And I like to buy things back to snack, eat ...Frankly speaking I dun mind sharing with my bros but it seems that this "sharing" is always I am the "giver" and never the "reciever". I don't feel good about this. Suddenly when I think of it I feel that being too mild tempered,waking up early ,sympathetic and responsible will let others take advantage of u? even ur own family members? Suddenly I feel like shouting out to each and every1 of them, "I DON'T MIND SHARING AS LONG AS I CAN BE THE RECIEVER SOMETIMES!" sometimes I am very tired of all this I am really tired...So FED UP..Urgh... Sometimes I feel tat is it becos I am too good, and I dun easily flare up that's why everyone's trying to take advantage of me? Now I buy things I eat alone I don't like to share anymore...cos it's pointless I am always the 1 buying they just noe how to pinch my stuffs to eat...they never contribute at all...
I don't know, now I am trying my hardest to save every penny I have, move out, marry my dd(hopefully she agree) but with my meagre attachment pay the more I think of how much I can save(only),many things I wish to buy now can only stay in my wishlist for the time being... I feel even more helpless...*sighzZzzz* Now all I can do is carry on hoping.......

Reply to earlier comment by Haz...Hahaha

Hahaha I actually didn't notice that there's a comment on my blog for the blog I've Created on the 3rd of Oct..Although that matter had blown over(as always). But still felt a urge to reply haha...Pls be reminded haz that I am not trying to spark of another round of argument with you here just trying to reply that's all...
first of all I'll like to take u for that fantastic nick' u've given me "Mr Clear Headed" although I sense some scarasm in the wordings but I think I'll just take that as a compliment..haha
Of course I know that my gf's mouse is a super-duper machine gun that can sputter non-stop (and anything can come out from that mouth) when's she's angry. I don't know whether u've seen/heard it before but I do have the pleasure to experience it 1st hand. I guess in that situation U've just hav to stay away from her in case u r gunned down by her. Anyway the reason I've written the blog on this is also precisely the reason. That day she's angry and I can't tell her off immediately else it will just make her madder.So I guess the most effective way is not to keep quiet but to voice out to her when she's more settled(blown over her top), I knew that she'll read my blog that's why I chose to post it here so that at least she can be aware of how I feel. If I don't feedback, relationships can't improve right?
Ok now let's get things straight, I totally agree with ur idea on "GOALS" and getting married at 28(hopefully) and getting a house is just my goal, just a aim. there's no MUST in it cos it's just my personal goal just like getting a car is her goal. If by then I still can't achieve it than so be it. I wun forcefully insist on getting my way I think my gf is well aware of this.And I never really forbid my gf from getting a car.it's just that I feel that there's no need for a car now that's why I advise her against it.I think she misunderstood that as a "forbid". anyway if she insist there's nothing I can do right?
Haha, Yes u r right, having a house need a hell lot of CASH. I've taken that into account,that's why I've been trying to save as much as I can from now in preparation for that day.As I've said earlier buying a hse is only my goal, it gives me the motivation to save $$ else if I dun have that in mind, every now and then whenever I feel like buying some stuffs that I wan, I just go ahead and buy it, wun I be left with less in the end? wun I be drifting further and further away? Frankly speaking I also feel that ir's not really that feasible to be married at 28 in Singapore, I know that too but if I have that goal in mind at least even if I don't achieve it, I shouldn't be too far off right?
Anyway I just told her that that's my goal, I've never really want to force her into it if she don't want. So there's really nothing to talk about "taking and giving" here. If I can't save enough by then then just delay the whole thing, to be u either do it good or u don't do it at all, I think we are not those despos who wan to rush into marriage just because we wan to...haha
Ah Hem, Miss Haz a car is INDEED classified as a WANT, NOT a need I think u can find it in any psychological book. This is especially so in Singapore. I think I don't need to explain the meaning of Wants and Needs to you right? I am sure everyone has a copy of the "little Oxford's Dictionary". or u can find out the meaing from typing "wants and needs" from any internet search engine. Mabbe you would also like to search for "Maslow's Hierachy of Needs" then u will get my pt.
Last but not least I hav to emphasize this again. I don't mean that I MUST have a house, MUST get married etc.. by the age of 28. and I DEFINITELY did not forbid my gf to buy a car only trying to advise her. Mabbe my tone is wrong, but that's entirely my meaning. If we could only get married in our 30s or worse still 40s then so be it as long as when we are old and grey, the walking sticks we have is each other. That's all that matters.
Once last thing, it's also true that every guy want her love to understand them also.

Comments from a bystander...

At 12:24 PM, haz said...

Hi,

That's something nice of you in saying what you posted in the beginning of this post... i'm sure ur gf, well i know ur gf is touched by how you feel towards her.

You seem to project yourself as a clear minded person, so i'll take ur word for it (since all i know of you is what i read from this blog, and from ur gf). So Mr. clear minded, be clear of one thing, don't ever take what a person said seriously during an argument. This is especially the case when it comes to your gf... weren't you the one who mentioned she's the emotional sort? (you should know her better than i do) Bad, unintentional, regretful things are said in arguments, we all know that, but when it comes the time, we all know just as well how difficult it is to control what comes blabbing out of our mouth. If an argument with some not-so-nice things are being said of you, and ur life crumbles just coz of that, then god bless you. My point is, don't be silly to ponder over the 'mean' things that were said in an argument... ur gf is regretful of what was said of you ...

Wow, so you've been "very clear abt what you want"... congrats. Oh so you've decided that getting a house is much more of an importance than ur gf's wish for a car, okay let's put this aside first...

Have you ever really asked for her opinions in going by YOUR plan of getting married with her when you both reach the age of 28? If yes, have you seriously considered if it is financially feasible in doing so? If you are tellin me "yes" again, then Mr clear headed, you're not so clear minded after all. What ppl do thesedays is that the very first thing they need in getting a house is having their CPF packed with $. People don't go around paying cash, other than the montly installments, for the initial payment. Oh so, what about the renovations right? If a simple house is what you really asked for, then renovations won't be much of a problem.. well unless you're asking for much more in one go, which you both could very well have "upgrade" or build on along your marriage life..

Argh, enough of the $ part... like the saying goes... "tan $ shan he chi" -- pardon my han yu ping ying.

So what you want is getting married at the age of 28,
what you want is (naturally) gettin a house by then,
what you want is for ur gf to help save up $ with you for the house.
And i've to agree with you on your wants since they sounded logical enough...

But, is she prepared for your 'wants'?

She is going along with your want to get married at that age, even though she personally feels you both wouldn't be financially stable at that time. And with that, she'd naturally have to go along with ur other plans since they're all tied together...

Hmm..Let's see.. who's the one giving... who's the one taking?

i don't want to really comment on her wish of getting a car.. by just want to say something based on my understanding... that her wish for a vehicle may seem somewhat an unnecessary luxury need to most... but think about the direct and indirect reasons behind it. Everyone has their goals, owning a car happens to be hers. It's just that the $ involved will get everyone to think it's more of a want than a need. Have you notice me saying it's her "wish"? Perhaps it's more of a goal that she tries to achieve... it's always good to have a goal in life, achieveable or not.

I don't think you'd want a girl friend who doesn't have a mind and hence, goals of her own... if you do, you might as well marry a _____ (fill in the blank).. if not, do expect conflicting interests, we r all individuals with different mindsets

i'm not saying your wish for a house before a car is wrong.. there's always reasons behind every decision/goal made, which you'd have to stop and think about it... (remember there are things in life that r personal fulfilments that we all hope to achieve before being tied down...) Ask yourself questions.. are you rushing things? is both party mentally and financially stable enough to step over to the next phrase of ur life?

One thing for sure, your gf's love for you isn't any lesser coz of these.. plus it hurts her just as much as you when you both argue... but i'm sure she loves you just as much as you loves her. this is what's important

Perhaps all a woman wants is for the man to understand what she feels~

All the best to you two :)
(sorry about my blah.. it's late and my mind's goin royak)

Article From Straits Times

Found this article from the straits times dated 23 Jan 05, Quite meaningful read on...

Young, Single & Bankrupt
Old enough to drive, not savvy enough to stop splurging, they're a card away from financial ruin
By Leong Chan Teik

INCREASINGLY, young adults are joining Generation D - that is, Generation Debt.

The Official Assignee (OA), which administers the estates of bankrupts, says the number of undischarged bankrupts aged 30 or below jumped from 785 in 2001 to 1,375 last year.

Among them is former civil servant Patrick (not his real name) who was bankrupt two years ago at 27, with $33,000 in credit card debts. His marriage broke up soon after.

'When the couple came to me, they were blaming each other for their money woes. He said: 'She knows the high life as much as I do',' says lawyer Lim Choi Ming.

Patrick and his wife had frequently wined and dined at expensive restaurants, and bought a car and expensive goods - including a refrigerator that, amazingly, cost $2,000 - for their lavishly renovated flat. Trouble was, it was all on credit.

'I was taken aback. They were very young and shouldn't have had all that debt, but they did,' says Ms Lim.

The OA says 67 per cent of non-business related bankrupt- cies, regardless of age, arise from excessive use of credit.

Credit is expensive - charged at interest rates of up to 24 per cent a year - but many overlook that in their quest for pleasure and to keep up appearances.

The Credit Bureau says only 21 per cent of credit card holders aged between 21 and 29 did not 'revolve' at all from July 2003 to June 2004. In other words, only 21 per cent had a clean record of paying up in full every month.

It says rollover debt for this age group hit $205 million last November, or 8 per cent of Singapore's $2.6 billion card debt - the latter being a record high.

Those belonging to Generation D expect to live well as soon as they leave school - even if their income does not match their dream lifestyle.

'It's very common for young people to start going on overseas holidays before they even have a job,' says 24-year-old Sylvia Mun, a financial planner at Manulife Financial.

And when they start work and can no longer expect their parents to pick up the tab, they fall for credit card schemes that entice them to holiday first and pay back over, say, 12 months.

Cars are a particular weak- ness for young men.

Says Ms Mun: 'I know of guys who earn $1,600 a month who will buy a car - cheaper brands that cost $600 to $700 in monthly instalments. Petrol and other running expenses cost another few hundred dollars.

'Usually, they feel they need a car to attract a girlfriend. Or they see a friend buying a car and they want one too.'

Mr Kuo How Nam, the president of Credit Counselling Singapore (CCS), a non-profit organisation that helps people resolve their debts, says: 'We have had many cases of young adults who were intoxicated by their new-found earning ability and went on a spending spree.

'Very often, there is a disconnect between what they think they deserve and the income necessary to sustain this lifestyle. The gap is met using easy credit.'

Thus, among those who have not sunk into bankruptcy, many have spending habits and moun- ting debts that are putting them on the slippery slope towards it.

Take administrative assistant John, 27, who applied for five credit cards in one year, spent his nights at karaoke lounges, and bought nice clothes and a fancier hi-fi system for his car.

A friend cheated him too, he says, and now, his debts total $40,000. A bank referred him to CCS, which helped him devise a repayment plan. Three banks have agreed to it, but two others haven't yet.

He says: 'I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can avoid bankruptcy. It's a horrible thing to happen when I'm in my 20s.'

If all the banks agree to spare him, the mandated road to recovery will still be gruelling: Over the next few years, he will have to curtail his spending, repay his debt in instalments, and live without a credit card.

Too many temptations

ASSOCIATE Professor Tan Soo Jiuan of the National University of Singapore's Department of Marketing points out two recent trends that undermine any inclination young adults may have to save their hard-earned money.

First, they are bombarded by a proliferation of alluring IT gadgets and so-called lifestyle products and services. 'These are hyped up in the mass media as a status symbol. Handphones are the No. 1 culprit,' she says.

Second, credit pushers are aggressively targeting young adults. 'That leads to many temptations for those below 30, who are still struggling to establish themselves. They are particularly vulnerable because of poor personal discipline and financial prudence,' she adds.

The Credit Bureau says people in the 20-29 age group have on average 3.4 cards - a figure which is higher than, or equal to, that for other age groups except 30-34, whose figure is 3.6.

But averages mask what is happening in certain circles. Ms Josephine Koh, 27, the finance manager of a firm selling skincare products, says: 'Among my friends, it's common to have at least half a dozen credit cards and as many as 10.'

Some, but not all, people can handle the easy credit. Says Ms Koh: 'We are sensible. We don't spend to the limit, and we know that the interest rate is not low.'

Education is key to reining in overspending among the young, say some observers. Schools and parents need to teach the young Personal Finance 101. If nothing else, parents should not be present a sad example themselves.

'If parents are excessive spenders, they set a bad example for their children,' says Mr Vincent Chen, 56, a father of two sons aged 27 and 29, and a committee chairman of the Securities Investors Association of Singapore. 'I don't think there's a difference between a $150 shirt and a $10 one. I'm glad my sons are sensible about money too.'

If the ranks of Generation D are growing in Singapore, the rate is even faster in some developed countries. In Singapore, 6.4 per cent of undischarged bankrupts were aged 30 or below as at the end of last year.

In Australia, of the 22,639 people going into bankruptcy in 2002 to 2003, 9 per cent were under 25. In the United States, about 120,000 people aged 25 or under filed for bankruptcy in 2000, up from 80,000 in 1991.

Naivete about money has cost them dearly - all for a few fleeting moments of the high life.

1 Step at a Time

I think most people will agree with the header mentioned above... And very often that's the case, take for instance, if u go university(for guys especially), u get higher education but u can only marry late... There's this phrase, Nothing's Perfect in this world..that's why u can't always have the best of everything... U can have many wans but somehow we have to be realistic...We noe that we can't fufill every wans at the same time... Most of us are not filthy rich, we can't expect to achieve everything we want at the same time, it takes time and effort to save up, to get the thing u wan one by one progressively just like sports, u cannot expect a non-runner to run a 21Km race without any practice right? of cos the runner will have to slowly run 2Km, 5Km 10Km ...then slowly build up his stamina then and only then can he complete the 21Km race, with a systematic approach like how he runs and the way he pace himself for every run will make it less likely for him to injure himself during trainings and force himself out of the race even b4 he begins... yes the training will be tough but the sense of acomplishment that u get when u complete the 21Km race is something that u can't describe with words...
Many a times we will be faced with alot of things that we would like to have but we can't have them all at 1 short due to limited capabilities but we should give up just because we dun have the capabilities now, in such a case we should prioritise, we should be able to judge using our logic and feelings which "wans" are the more important ones and which are the less important ones..Of cos we should fufill the more critical ones 1st then slowly proceed with the rest... Man's greed is insatisfiable, we will keep coming up with new wish-lists after we've finished with the present 1..This is not wrong, it's this desire that make man progress to scale new heights etc...., the desire to win to achieve more... It's a strong desire that motivates people, but this desire have to be controlled also else it can lead to serious "misbehavior" as men become over zealous in their pursue.We have to learn to be contended only then can we enjoy the fruits of our labor, with wat we have in the present then we can be in a happier and better mood to persue the next. If you are not contented, ur mind would just be filled with wat u wan and wat u wan in the future rather then stop for a while to rest,recharge and just b happy...

No $$, No Talk

The government have been encouraging Singaporeans to have more babies to set up families etc...but the standard of living is just to high... for a average singaporean like me to save up enough $$ for everything, it would take a few years and for those not-so frugal ones mabbe it could take up to 10 years. Take me for instance, I really wish to start a happy family with my dd whom i've been together for 5+ years already not too long not too short but frankly speaking I don't see that being possible in the near future just by calculating the costs involved. My family is quite large so there's no way that my family can spare out a room to accomodate my future wife and me..even now I am sleeping in the living room..
some calculation for a marriage in SG:
HDB Flat - $20K
Renovations - $20K(at least)
Furniture and electrial appliances - $10K
Wedding photo shoot - $5k
Dinner/buffet - $10K
honeymoon -$10K(at least)

THe housing Loan may be paid by CPF so don't need cash for that but then all the other things added up u need at least $55K-$60K

if I save $1k/month(hopefully), then 1 year I would have $12K only, 2 Years $24K and only after the 5th year than I can have $55K for marriage, If I went to Uni(for guys) by the time they graduate they would be 26, + 5 years =31 years old! so then it's not that we Singaporeans want to marry late (or dun marry at all) the costs are just too high and many of us don't have the luxury of parental financial support, very often they wan this, wan that but then they didn't spare a tot of us their children.. Add a small car, that would mean a additional $6K per year (assuming $500 per month)... with tat how to save enough $$?
Frankly speaking, my dd is more of a "spender" rather than a saver lor and I think most gals suffer the same plight so I dun really blame her cos i noe she want to save
but most of the time there would be some unforseen incidents tat she encounter that she have to fork out her $$. She being a gal have to buy cosmetics, dresses and all the gal stuffs lah so that's where all her $$ gone to lor. So for our case guess I have to be the one saving the much needed cash...anyway just hope things will turn out fine and We will be able to achieve everything we want...Guess the most appropriate thing is not to think so much abt this but just try to save save save as much as we can starting from now..I really hope to be able to get married by 28(not very young), but I guess that's not a very realistic target now just hope to be able to get married by 30...

Why Why Why?

I take TIBS bus service no. 180 to my IA company every morning... Thus very often I have to cramp in with the students who would also be going to school at about the same time as me..Yesterday, I came across a incident that really baffled me..This is how it goes. the 180 bus would pass by a busstop whereby there were a few schools nearby as such at that stop there would always (or most of the time) many students alighting at that stop. Yesterday morning as the bus was nearing the stop the bus driver deliberaty slowed down as he was approaching to stop expecting to hear the bell, but the bell never came even when the bus was just about to enter the bus stop, there was no bell..so like all bus drivers, the driver accelerated then right at in front of the bus stop, finally the bell came. the driver have to jammed on his brakes bringing the bus to a screeching stop. then let the students alight, there were at least 15 students alighting but NONE of them actually bother to press the bell before the bus reach the stop. Y is that so? They were too tired? and ALL of them were sleeping? or the bus is too packed thus ALL of them can't see that they have reached their stop? or they think that pressing the bell in advance is a very "paiseh(lose face)" thing? I really don't understand the reasons for them to press the bell so late. It's a very dangerous thing for the bus to suddenly jammed their brakes, wat happens if there'a a tail-gater behind? this could have easily cause a accident...mabbe the students don't understand the seriousness of this matter ..and being at the front of the bus at that time, I do heard the driver grumble abit but being in the service industry I guess they just have to take it... So just do hope that we Singaporeans can spare a thought for these bus drivers in future

"You're Selected!..."

I am sure they are many "attached" personel out there. One of the popular question asked would be "why u choose me of all the others out there?" Different ppl have different criteria for their bf/gf selection process. Like Looks, wealth, 5Cs, character etc... My gf also asked why I chose to be wif her in the 1st place. Looks? partly, I think I do look beyond that, wat really attracted me to her is her personality. It's no secret that I have many female friends who are better looking than her. Looks is only a small portion to me...(see even she had become "better-nutriented" these few years, my love for her never wavered, in fact it has increased). For me I am looking for prospective wife in my gf, I don't blive in those passionate short-termed relationship, don't ask me why it's just not in my genes...Perharps influenced partly by my mum who keep telling me to be serious in relationships since young...
Getting to be wif my present gf over many months then(1999), I found her to be
sentimental(good can complement me, I am too hardfeeling, too stoned haha)
Simple, then all she wanted is a happy family which is also wat I wan,
Loves me,
I can communicate effectively with her,
Faithful(at least it seems to me then)
I think these are the few most important reasons that I think she would be a compatible sprouse to me then.

However, over the years after she started working, I feel she has changed a bit, her thinking have somehow been changed by wat she sees and the person she meet at her workplace. CAll this life experience lah or it's another kind of "Ling Wu". I do not blame her for that lah afterall when u love some1 u have to accept them for wat they are right? However sometimes she does irritate me wif her unreasonableness lah but then ok lah sometimes I am in the wrong too. I am the sort of person who only listen to logics..so I do not look beyond logics sometimes which make me quite inflexible sometimes. For a start, she is now not content just to have a hapi family and have me around to love her. Now she wans more things more material riches to "make up" for things that she didn't managed to enjoyed when she's young. as claimed by her. Mabbe she can try telling this to those ppl who are struggling to make ends meet everyday..mabbe it's due to the fact tat she's earning more $$ now and worklife isn't all that unstressful that she wants to vent her frustration and destress using some luxuries she wans to bestow on herself. It's not wrong lah...This is the single most drastic change in her lor...for me, my thinking is still the same...just a happy complete family is all I ask for, no need car if can't afford(a samll fam car would b nice if can afford), no need lotsa $$(enough to get by wif some savings for rainy days), no need big luxuries house wif maids serving u... I am really trying my very best working towards this goal of mine..that's why I've been actively saving all the $$ I can..I also have alot of things that I wish to buy (eg new gadgets) but I've been curbing my spendings...In her present situation it's hard for her to save $$ even if she wants, but imagine that if I want to buy everything that I want to buy then both of us would have no savings, no savings=no $$=no hse=no car=no marriage
that's why even if I "mei pan fa" I also try my very best to save...and try not to "actively spend" the road ahead is tough I do hope that I can save enough $$ to start my own CY-SL family, one that I can proudly call my own, a happy family wif her..Just don't noe whether she wants to b in it? Nevertheless no matter wat happens I will still work hard towards my goals and hope that the day do come...

P/S:Greed is never-ending it's a vicious cycle, after u get 1 think u wan the 2nd and 3rd etc... I prefer to enjoy wat I have in present rather than keep thinking wat I want after I get my 1st..This is just me,simple mind, not-so-nice-looking=nerdy