Crushing me

Some big things happened lately...
Recieved a mail on Thursday night from HDB saying that they have approved our application for the JW flat... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Then Friday dd went to took for a China Trip to Yunan Area (Dali, LiJiang...)... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Strange feeling, at one end was feeling happy cos getting a house is always wat I've been thinking of and gg on a tour is something i've never done before, Ive never taken an airplane all my life (too bad there are gg to be 5 VERY BIG lanterns who will b tagging us Grrr dunno whether dd purposely witheld this info when she called me @ NATAS or not)...
at the other, got a feeling of being CRUSHED ...

it's like suddenly there's a HUGE rock being dumped on my shoulders... The money problem comes again... If I spend too much on my tour, will it leave too litte for the house? How am i gg to find so much $$ for the house renovations?
I think I am gg to need around $2000 for the tour(though I hope it could be done within $1000) this is about my 2 months savings and mabbe a year's savings for dd... Haiz

It's doesn't help that dd wans to change this and change that cos she feel that they are "ugly"... If u refer to my earlier post, I already mentioned tat we are buying a repurchased flat sort of same with a resale ... it's about $12k more expensive than a empty unit but the advantage is if u can accept the prev owner's renovations, there's not much to be done already... if u are gg to change everything, for sure, the total cost will add up to be more than the $12k and in that case, u might as well get a empty unit... it's cheaper in tat sense and i think this is wat the HDB staff is trying to tell me earlier when I went to make the flat booking...wat i propose is to build stuffs around the orginal reno so that we can sort of hide the "ugliness"... Of cos I can understand tat everyone wans their home to be the most perfect home for them, but mabbe sometimes we ought to be a bit more realistic and strike some balance...

Sometimes I really admire dd, i think she can spend w/o much qualms, it's totally different for me, whenever I wan to buy something, I need to think of alot of things... Sometimes I really hope I can have the "spend 1st, Think later" attitude ... I only buy things that I really need now(or those dd ask me to buy) ... Perharps it would be better for me to think less don't u think?
I really dunno how to save alot of $$, seriously i dun think i can do it alone... if it's only me saving and dd spending, sooner or later i'll be disgusted again and lose my motivation...
I think it's a MUST tat both of us work together in this area...

Now looking fwd to the Guizhou trip after tat dunno whether we still can have enough $$ or not... haiz


Now for some light hearted events..I've finally completed my "Himeji castle" after slogging it out for almost 5 nites... not ery well done but if u dun look closely u wun find the faults ...


I'm gg to re-arrange my room, since i am not sleep inside mabe i will take away my bed so tat the room will be more spacious...
Suffered abrasions to my knee since last week playing soccer till now still not yet recovered ( I swear that I am stronger than them if they play fair and not resort to sly tactics to push me).. haiz 1 wk no go jogging liao...getting fatter n lazier...Knee quickly recover k?

kindness and concern

How should kindness & concern be given? wat are they? how often should they be given?

wat constitutes kindness and concern?
is it the gift of $$? the care and concen shown?

how often should they be given?
constantly? or once in a while?

I think men are by large ungrateful, many a time we take things for just for granted... in the case of kindness and concern, we dun really stand up and take notice of the kindness and good that are always around us, instead when someone shows some once in a while, we will stand up and and take notice of it...
just like the air and water around us, we always expect them to be there, to be clean day in day out... readily available, we never stop for a while to value their existence... not even a single moment

search ourselves, how often do we stop to see what others are doing? very often, a little to u may mean big to them, to lift a burden off someone, means to put the load upon themselves... so is this a show of affection?

so which is a better way to show such affections? perharps it's appropriate to treat someone cold all the while, then once in a while, treat them better perhaps there's a better "contrast" this way and it would be more noticeable...

constantly showing it, people would tend to take it as "natural" just like the sun should rise and set everyday ... nothing special already... tat affection just become "worthless" though in fact, it's much more valueable than anything...just because we treat it as natural, we dun feel anything abt it...

mabbe we should all do it this way, treat someone so-so for majority of the time, then once in a while treat them better perharps it would make u feel more important to that person...don't u think?

Pressing On

I think the last few weeks have seen alot of blog entries by me... mainly focus on 1 topic - impending House haha... very excited cos it's something that I've been thinking abt for a very long time liao to be able to own my very own home... yeah!

Though we haben got the keys yet, but i believe the "deal" is 60-70% through because
1) HDB is trying very hard to sell off JW flats (esp exec)
2) I believe dd and me meet the criteria for them unless they don't wan to approve someone who hav just started on his career ( still shaky). but that's quite impossible, cos i got a fren who applied (and got) a house in SengKang before he started working...

Now then still got alot of issues to settle... to many people, buying a house now is a very rash decision, actually to me also this way... i guess I was pretty much affect by my own desire then tat I did not think as logically and comprehensive as I should. But now since everything is almost concluded, i think it's time to just carry on wif other things...

Main problem is even we have the flat we have no $$ to renovate/furnish it, so it will be just lying there collecting dust, depreciating (mabbe not)...Haiz also can't marry so early too, haben marry how to live in it? marriage need hell lot of $$....

buying a repurchase flat i think the main reason is cos of the previous renovations lor, save $$ mah thus when buy tat time really need to consider living wif some of the "ugly" existing renovations...else just buy a new one and renovate from scratch right? As wat I always said, it would be more expensive to knock down everything and rebuild rather than build up from scratch...

Had a idea abt renting the flat out once we got the keys (not sure whether we can do it or not under HDB ruling)
Logically speaking, it's good because a whole unit can be rented out for $1000 a mth (should have alot of people fighting for this price) and if we rent out for a year we could have extra $12000 (twice the amt of of my savings) for other stuffs...

but then if we rent it out, we cannot slowly build up our little nest... dd and i can't visit it as and when we like... to just walk walk and do some work here and there to "decorate" and furnish the house.
Also the tenant might not take care of the house after returned to us it becomes err... in a different state
it's not very nice to chase the tenant out after a year also(cos if i wan to rent, i would only rent for a year after that gotta start renovations and prepare to move in liao)

Eventful Week

I think last week was a very eventful week for me... mabbe not alot of events happened but a major one really lifted my spirits...

Took up a new hobby papercraft making haha...
it's abit like my model making but it's much cheaper hehe cos u only need to print out the "parts" on paper and assemble them... ho ho
here's a good site if u'll are interested:
http://www.3dpapermodel.com.tw/

some of my completed projects:




Friday
went to view the unit which most likely would be our(me and dd's) new house...
but had a small fight there, cos she was late bcos of her wakeboarding(again) and that made me feel that her attitude towards the house was bad but i think tat is settled...

Saturday:
spent the whole day building my "suzuki swift" model... finally complete it at 12pm so happy then went to sleep...

Sunday:
woke up very early @ around515am cos promised dd to go wif her to eat b'fast then to the terry fox run for hope @ sentosa... dd came to pick me up then we went back to her home to pick her bro up then went eat b'fast together...
Rained throughout the whole event and dd walk the entire distance...
Then we went back to dd's home to take a shower, had lunch and she took a nap... after that I woke her (sort of pester) up cos she said wan to go temple @ waterloo st to pick divine lot for the house... She finally set her mind at ease when she drew a good lot... for me I prefer not to think abt it... sunboi's words of wisdom "sometimes things are best untouched, some stuffs are better to stay unknown"

Wat really perk me up:
dd ask me to put the $1000 she give to me last time (she said for the china trip initially) into our dd's fund... yeah, so happy finally see some contribution from dd, not a lot but at least better than nothing right? hope that there's more to come (though not much hope)... but at least it's a begining... I put $1100 into monkdees UOB acct already ($1000 + $85(from sale of crumpler bag) + $15 top up from me).. now monkdees acct got $6600 liao...
dunno why always cannot save beyond $8000(in fact $7500) always got something to make me spend away... tat time got $7000 then give dd $2300 for car car, then slowly save back till $7500, then give HDB $2000 for option fee... haiz...

this month could have $7800 if i could put my usual $1200 into bank, but then promised dd to go china wif her this december so no choice gotta allocate funds for it...so mabbe this month can only save $400-500 mabbe?

got 2 bday's this mth, my youngest bro and eldest bro..bought a bossini shirt for my youngest bro and a pendant for my elder bro... and a hdd casing for myself...total cost: $18 + $55.90 + $9
$82.90... for personal things...

anyway tat's a slight digression, very happy today so spend alot..(cos of the rain also, can't go to cheap food center) had a $3.20 meal (2 vegies+1meat extortion!), $1.5 green apple juice and $1 for ice milo (tea break) - lunch 1 chk wing , breaded chicken and cheese stick (all from BBQ express) additional for dinner cos i went to BP to save the $$ mah...

dunno why when I am happy I spend alot, when I am not I also spend alot... haiz
must try to save more for house and dd...
nv buy much personal things last mth.. but still end up wif less $$ then expected...

Reflections

Very often people forgot all the good other people did, the only thing they will remember is the bad the others did, or the things they didn't do. In life, many things that are done are not obvious, it's gradually overlook and taken for granted whether it's a person, or a good someone did... it just get forgotten...

I should be getting a house in the near future, some one once asked " how commited are u to the house"? I replied "about 80%" which in fact is quite a conservative answer... Fact is it has always been on my mind ever since we moved into the 2nd/3rd year of my RS. Ever since, i've been working hard to save every penny I can because $$ is the most important thing to make my so-call house dream come through ... I dun dare say that I have done all i could, there are time where I do buy on impulse, but the times that I do think is certainly much more greater than the times I don't

If u'll have been following my blog, I used to have a quite expensive hobby, model building. A scaled plastic model doesn't come cheap, and the paint I have to buy as well... but for the sake of saving money, that have to go...

Someone exclaimed that I am a very anti-social guy, cos I always dun follow my fellow frens to do wat youngsters always do, Go karaoke, pub, disco watever ... in fact i hardly go out wif them until they dun really ask me out anymore, just going out cost $$, so my socialisation is kept as minimal as possible.

"Everyone have to own an levis jeans", an ad once said, but I don't, i can't say I dun wan one, I've never worn a levis jean, man studio shirts or anything that costs more than $50. Look into my clothes cupboard to verify, there are all cheap stuffs, even most of the tshirts are 2-3yrs old...although such stuffs are well within my means (esp now) ... but i am still not gg to do it...

conscientiously, i've taken pains to ensure my monthly spendings does not exceed $360 a mth so tat I can comfortablely save $1200 ++ every month. it's not simple, considering my transport alone cost around $100, and another $50 for hp bills, leaves me with just around $200 every month for food and personal stuffs... have to make sure I spend less than $3 every afternoon.

not to mention all the stuffs every guy wans, cars, credit cards and other ex entertainment... did i go for it? if there was no commitment from me, with the level of my savings, I am quite certain I can easily go for a car and live a more interesting and entertaining life at the expense of little or no savings at all...

For wat purpose, do I constantly nag? to incur people's wraft?
How often have I been given empty promises? Though I HATE empty talks, most of the time I overlook them and took all the $$ savings upon myself, frankly it has not been all smooth sailing...

Graduation trips? Almost all my frens have went on holiday either before or after graduation? me? I NEVER went anywhere at all... wat for again?

how many times have I resisted investing in a new computer? people around me have all started using PCI-E, 533/800FSB, DDR-RAM, sata hdd.... even sec school students are using more powerful computers, some have even changed 2x.. sometimes I really want to change the computer seeing the yellowish casing of mine... I am still stuck wif my SDRAM, 133FSB n my 4x AGP... even my bros outside are using newer computers... Haiz

my shoes have started to open it's mouth to "talk" but i did not go for a new one, instead i bought a $2 contact glue to "zipped" up it's mouth... wat's all these for?


Digicams, $400(coolpix), another $300 (ixus) and then $600 (and more) for SLR... all these was done while i was still in NTU, no income at all.... all the pennies are slowly saved from where? from the allowance(except for the SLR) I get frm my mum every week. this does not include the $10/20s for meals etc...All these from $200 a month...

I admit that I am a poor lover, I dunno how to sweet talk, or do romantic things, but I am 99.99% commited to dd... look through the whole blog history... I am not a very great person, neither can i boast of great looks nor achievements. But I am doing all I can to save the most amt of $$ in the least possible time... this is my commitment, I am not NATO (No Action Talk Only), neither do I talk alot abt wat I am doing... but sometimes I think i need to speak up more so that others would start to notice me more before they judge me.

All these are not commitments?

one of my female frens asked me why am i doing most of the savings, y dun I just go out and enjoy like the rest out there... but can i simply heck care? common sense would tell u the consequences.. think again perharps I should enjoy myself more, i've been living this lifestyle for so long, mabbe with some difference others could more easily see the contrast?

my present life is indeed boring, it revolves around my family, my work and dd only perharps it really time for me to change my lifestyle...


Now i am seriously contemplating looking for a PT job where I could work at nights and weekends... just to generate more income.. but I dun think my job would permit me to do so...

sometimes all a guy wan is to be recognised and appreciated, he doesn't need much fanfare or praises... if u dun doubt him it's enough

1st entry into parking idiot yeah!

captured a toyota Corolla altis in a(actually 3) motorcycle lots, saw that pic was quite interesting so sent to http://parkingidiots.blogspot.com/ ... and it just got posted haha
will keep a lookout for more of such pics ... yeah yeah

Once Bitten meant twice shy?

Suppose to meet dd to view the unit today, little do i noe she went to wakeboard again. And u noe wat? she is LATE again.... she was suppose to pick me up to go to the unit together, because I sneaked out of office... not through proper channels->still on probation, no leave to take. Grrh... in the end i had to spend $9.90 to take cab n rush there from office... very risky cos i might b spotted taking cab, and that will send tongues wagging, that's why i suggest dd come fetch me... reduce the risk..

I was VERY ANGRY then, not because she was late or wat, but because i just dunno wat she's thinking in her brain, if made promise, MUST keep it... else DON'T make at all... I am sure many people dun wan to hear empty promises...
Anyway I also find it hard to deceive myself that WAKEBOARDING is more any more important than house viewing... I dun mind taking a risk just to see the unit...
Frankly speaking, I am starting to dislike the WAKEBOARDING thing. I don't see any fun in it..

firstly, it's boring, -> u hold on to a string and let the boat pull u ... u just try to keep balance
costly, pls this type of "sport", u need a boatman, boat and the gear... will NEVER be cheap
USELESS, i don't see how this can qualify as a sport, trying to keep ur balance is a sport? then u might as well try to balance on a giant ball, more effective right?

anyway i was so angry just now that i was contemplating the idea of withdrawing the application. dd's attitude, it seems to be that she uninterested like tat... wan to buy also she but looking at her lax attitude, i m very worried tat in the end, i will b the only one keeping the whole idea afloat. rather hurt now then b sorry later... though she promised that she will help me make the house work but u see from today's episode her promises to me are seldom fufilled...

There are many tivial things (to me) that i can compromise but not important things...

1st time during the application i can excuse, but i told her sternly that time liao that this is not the right attitude, nv did i noe she will repeat this again.


My views:
If want house then play less, else just continue to play forget abt the house
Promise people only things u can do it don't make promises u can't keep
Plan before u act/speak
When u are in the wrong, don't act/speak as if u are right, it just make people more angry
so difficult to say "sorry" than to speak harshly meh?
Get ur priorities clear, decide on wat's more important and wat's not
Show some remorse when u noe u are wrong... and not try to defend urself wif funny logics

worse, the stupid HDB agent is 45mins late... Grrr... wanted to tell her off, but then later think deeper, she will be handling the "defects" for us so had to give her some "face" and spare her now...

The whole house thingy is making me so tired....so much things to think, so much things to decide

Tell off dd just now, dunno whether she can LISTEN or not... Need to sit down and trash out many things, find out wat she wants and not waste anybody's time, effort and money...
else i really dunno wat to do... really very very very tired already...

went to geylang after that, just to eat wif my colleagues lah...cos some of them gg Germany for training soon...had dim sum, beef hor fan, tou hua and you tiao and bitter guilin gao... all in small portions... nice to eat leh...then jalan jalan there a while come back liao...
took some pics of the place...

Trip to Sim Lim

Went to Sim Lim square yesterday ..cos dd's uncle wanted to buy a new PC... seems that he change PC mroe freq than me hehe anyway i was in the area to collect my "digimate III" ...it's a portable HDD casing with a card reader which is very handy when u go overseas cos memory cards got limits mah and cannot bring too many(ma fan)
I saw one at Yahoo! auctions selling $70, and PPCP (online camera shop) selling $75 while i bought mine at $55.90 also at a online shop but i gotta go there collect... then i went "tour" around sim lim found a shop willing to sell at $65, mabbe with abit more bargain can get @ $60... grrri tot i bought cheaply...but not too cheap also haiz...

anyway back to the sim lim square tour, found that i am quite "outdated" in terms of computer technology n equipment... i m still using SDRAM, 133 FSB, now already got 800FSB, PCIE blah blah blah and so many casings...quite tempted to upgrade my computer to these newer ones...
nvm gotta bear with it... the time i move house will b the time i upgrade my computer unless my computer chose to die before it sees the new hse hehe

something(i think it's a grain of sand) got into my eye, tried getting it out with many methods but failed..slept with "it" until this morn... think it just got "flushed" out, so uncomfy!..

my digimate III

New Chair

Yeah got a new chair, a 2nd hand office chair... too bad it's red in color but it's bigger than i expected... haha looks kinda odd in my room cos already very cramp, now with this big chair even more cramp haha... anyway for $20 it's a very good buy orginal price i think it's more than $80 for this type of chair...
as long as it's worth the $$ i dun mind 2nd hand stuffs hehe
mummy scold me say why i always like to buy 2nd hand stuffs... daddy defended me saying that it's a virtue that i noe how to save $$ haha... oh ya daddy fetch me n new chair back... and he nv scold me for making him come all the way to pick me up(at depot rd)... hehe
brother even boasted that $20 is ex, cos he nv buy chairs before, wait till he started buying his own stuffs...
big chair so comfortable... arghhhh....

some pics of the chair:

Paranoid DD

today dd dropped me a bombshell after reading her fren's blog on new hse, like house "unclean" lah etc... I mean such things should have been considered BEFORE deciding to book the house and not after booking right? aiyoh then again, it's the wakeboarding fault again(her whole mind must have been thinking abt the wakeboarding thingy so other issues just passed her by), looking back i agree that it have been a rash decision...
If u look at my earlier blog entry, I spent many hours on friday night thinking about the history, whether the loc of house is good, whether it's too big for us blah blah blah before i finally decided to press ahead... i think by then it's abt 2am liao hehe then saturday i left at 7am to toa payoh already...
I mean it would have been much better had dd n I met to trash out such issues instead of leaving me thinking alone about it... like wat i said "it's a gamble", and i have decided to take it... if for watever reasons, the house is not good, then it's my fate... can't blame anyone...
afterall i belive that i am not tat evil (but not tat good either) to receive such retributions, i still believe god is fair.
anyway i still hope that everything will turn out fine, and i believe too that we are not that unlucky...

seriously i dun think the unit could b huanted... cos i notice that the other floors are occupied, i mean it's common sense right? if the unit below or above u is huanted would u still dare to live there?

*anyway u look at it this way, those ppl who buy new flats also cannot visit their unit before booking right? Hope this whole thing won't turn out to be a $2000 lesson...
pray pray

Bro's Rabbits

Some pics of my bro's rabbits, boy they sure eat alot...

New house=New $$ Woes?

Was quite unhappy today cos of a few incidents

1) dd not wif me at HDB to listen to stuffs which i feel are very important to us, not exactly angry cos of her abscence but more bcos of the reason she is absent.

2) tried to called her many times to explain the situation, n discuss (hey i m no MCP, i discuss) but no1 pick up the phone. Then again was not happy cos i feel she should b quite attentive to the news frm my side.

Finally i made the decision after overcoming a few worries (some yet to overcome)

1) Reason why previous owner abandon flat? huanted? unlucky? - overcame
2) State of flat? - overcame
3) Too big/ex for us? - should n manageable lah

The biggest worry is dd's attitute, cos i m not sure whether this is one of her "3min heat", I see some worrying signs in her:

1)Not knowing her priorities - (1) n (2) frm her choice of choosing to go wake boarding 2)Still wilful n Playful instead of HDB

3) Commitment level - not really sure of her commitment level, cos a flat is BIG investment till now actually i dun see much "commitment"
from her

4) Intolerance - not very open to ideas and flaults of others. eg. i waited an hr
sitting at the kerb at expo so backside ache, went walk
around, kena scolding by her for not picking up her calls. Yah
n i haben even started scolding her for not picking up my calls
at the much more t important time (n bis) tis morning and
making me wait 1hr w/o any info at all, and all this while this
idiot me sit down there thinking that she was packing her
stuffs while she ate wif her boss (don't she every feel guilty?)

Thinking of it now, i can't help but feel that the flat was abit of the rash decision, though if got it would b a good thing. Now hoping dd can tweak her mindset n be more open and willing to accept ideals (not b so defensive, mabbe abit more trustworthy would b good) ...


getting a bit tired liao, slept only 3-4hrs yesterday night, mainly thinking abt what might go wrong... later realise that i shouldn't think tat way, should think of how it might go right

Today @ HDB Hub

Went HDB early this morning to apply for a executive-flat in JW under the WIS ... the whole process was a breeze... guess now all that's left are those leftovers haha... went yesterday night to view the unit but couldn't enter... but could see that there was some renovation done..

dd very bad, went wakeboarding leaving me alone to do all these... there are many schemes/procedures that i think will need her to be around... for example, there's a $20k grant for low income families which i think we can qualify but then need to produce marriage cert on the day when getting keys somemore need to produce alot of documents also... then in the end nv applied for tat scheme cos dun think can get registered within 3 mths n quite troublesome to dig out all the documents (not help when dd's not around)...

then went inside to tok to the lady abt the selection, think the info is quite important for both of us... since the flat was bought in 1999 meaning it's 7 yrs old liao... wanted to inform dd abt this n get her opinion but then she nv pick up also and if dun like the flat, and wan to change gotta reapply again and pay $2000 ...grrrr then in the end i just took the gamble... hope it paid off
i think it's quite cheap for an exec, $280k... but dunno whether it will b too big for us or not leh... hehe

now all the procedures are done, waiting for the HDB to see if they will approve our applications... Maybe this blk 628 #08-394 JW st 65 would b our new home?

Now thinking of it, everything is like accelerated leh... suddenly apply hse, then gotta register marriage... dunno whether ready or not? need alot of $$ for all these.. anyway I will b really happy if we can get the hse, cos then we can slowly decorate our hse and in abt 2-3yrs time(hopefully) it will b ready for us...

The most worrying thing would b the $$ prob... dunno whether got enuff $$ for all the house stuffs... and dunno whether dd would "tone" down a bit and start to b on the ground... and start putting more attention n resources into the house... cos it's a big house.. i dun think i can do it alone wif my only my effort ..so i think it's critical time to realise the importance of teamwork...

Hopefully everything will work out fine, the house can get, dun need much renovations and can get enuff $$...