First Year of Marriage is hardest
Marriage as eveyone knows, is no walk in the park. And this can be particularly true in the 1st year. Once the courtship, wedding and honeymoon are over, the couple settle down into daily life. That's the time when fault-lines can occur.
Morgan Zhou, 27, a primary school teacher, and his wife Angela 26, an accounts executive, learnt it the hard way after dating for 8 years. Before their marriage in December 2006, they had not lived together which led to spats about the chores.
"We had trouble adjusting to each other when we moved in together into our own place," says Mr Zhou. "We fought about who would do the washing and ironing, and we would give each other black face for a while."
They realised that they had assumed that things would "somehow get done".
It is a common mistake couples make - not discussing the seemingly trivial matters before marriage - which can lead to resentment and bigger fights, say marriage counsellors.
"Living together is different from the time of courtship," says Dr Peter Chew, obstetrician and gynaecologist, and chairman of the board of aLife, a volunteer-run association which provides counselling services and marriage enrichment courses.
"Husband and wife are coming from different familes with different upbringing, value systems, and attitudes," adds Dr Chew. "It takes a long time to adjust."
Couples may go through a decline in romance and intimacy, the inability to have fun together, and selfishness. They may even fight on which family to spend special occasions - such as Chines New Year reunion dinners - with.
"It isn't 2 people who get married, but 6 - the couple and the parents of both families," says Dr Chew.
The Zhous, hoever became clear about expectations regarding housework and made their preferences known on which chores they would like to do. It worked wonders.
"We both do the washing now," says Mr Zhou. "But Angela does most of the ironing, and in return, i vacuum the house. We've found a synergy that works for us."
Spring-cleaning the house before friends come over is an happy occasion for them. They go into over-drive, working together to keep it spick and span. Mr Zhou says that had the fights not been resolved, it could have become overwhelming.
"It could have got worse if we'd lost sight of the big picture," He says. "But we knew we are commited to a long lasting relationship and to making it work. Divorce isn't and option, so tat was a driving force to work out any issues."
Marriage counsellors recommend taking a leaf out of the Zhou's book - keep in mind that marriage is for life and that problems can be resolved with open communication. Find a way to deal with your conflict and to speaki without hurting feelings. While the 1st year of marriage can be sometimes difficult, it is also a time of great intimacy and discovery. It sets the stage and builds the foundation for a long-lasting marriage, so relationship experts advise dealing with problems quickly and effectively.
"Feelings of resentment are easy to overcome, as long as each person is willing to participate in conversation to extinguish these feelings," said author, relationship writer and lecturer Paul Mauchline.
"it is never too late for dialogue with anyone, especially your loved ones, and, most importantly, your partner."
Monday, February 25, 2008
Extract from Mypaper 25/2/2008
Tips to survive the 1st 365 days of Marriage
Choosing to be happy together is better than the decision to be right.
Choosing to love in the face of conflict (not always an easy task, but it's worth it) helps
couples remember that what they want is a workable relationship , and no relationship can work if one partner insists on being right given his/her point of views. Give up being right, and see what opens up.
Remember that commitment between 2 people does not mean that each side puts in 50% effort, True commitment takes 100% effort from both parties in order to have a successful and workable marriage.
Have a sense of humor for everyday issues. It allows for creative solutions to otherwise challenging situations. Learning how to laugh at yourself and taking things less seriously can diffuse a situation
Manage expectations. Many couples assume that when 2 becomes 1, their loads are lightened. A wife may feel that as the husband is the main breadwinner, she can use the money she earns for shopping. Or, a husband may assume the wife will take care of all the housework. Set up agreements, early in the marriage, on financial matters, housework, spending time together and when to visit in-laws, as to avoid unplesant and unexpected blowups when one party's expectations are not met.
Remember that love is not based on feelings - he feeling for being happy, for example can come and go. Likewise with love. Love is based on commitments you have made with your partner, the promises you have made and the life you are dedicated to living with your partner. Keep in mind, and other issues will take a backseat.
The last statement i find it particularly true, Hope this helps u readers out there...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Badminton
Restarting my badminton game... if wan to play a sport, play a sport that we like, no pt playing something just cos it's more "high class". It would make u more "high class" in fact ur actions make u "lower class"
look at my new equipment hehe
My cheapo document bag spoil again finally decided to get a more ex one...FX Creations
Mum sponser me $12 ... hehe still alright la...Hope this can last longer than those cheapos...
look at my new equipment hehe
My cheapo document bag spoil again finally decided to get a more ex one...FX Creations
Mum sponser me $12 ... hehe still alright la...Hope this can last longer than those cheapos...
Happy birthday to me
A treat for me from me on my 28th birthday, hope my 29th birthday will be as nice as my 27th... :=D
Hope my luck will get better
CNY over, hope my "Kai Yun Zu" will bring me good luck for the coming year Huat AH!
Extract from The Sunday Times, Feb 24 2008
Rising cases of cheating wives: more men hiring PIs
men are not the only ones playing the cheating games on their spouses.
The number of wives having affairs has been rising over the last 5 years, lawyers and PLs told the Sunday times.
These married woman are usually career high-fliers in their 30s. Many travel often as part of their job, and usually get entangled with their bosses and colleagues.
More husbands are also divorcing their adulterous wives.
Lawyer Amolat Singh said that he used to get only 2 cases a year of husbands divorcing their cheating wives but last year, he saw 7 such cases.
Some husbands have resorted to installing spyware on their wive's computers to track their e-mail and messages. he said
Lawyer Koh Tien Hua noted: "Couples now spend alot of time apart and this increases the opportunities and inclinations for affairs."
Half of his clients seeking divorces are now men, when it was 40% previously.
Singapore saw an all-time high of 7,061 divorces in 2006 up from 6,909 in 2005 ad 6,388 in 2004.
LJ investigations & Consultancy Services said the number of men requesting checks on their wives has jumped 45%. Its director, Mr Lionel De Souza, said: "Today, men can cheat, so can the women."
Mr Vincent Tan, director of Commercial Investigations LLP, said: "A lot of woman travel or are posted overseas and may get involved with 3rd parties."
Each month, his firm takes on about 15 cases that involve matrimonial checks. Women used to be the one hiring PIs, but in the past 5 years, many men have asked for checks on their wives.
Mr Samuel Ng, executive consultant of Marine Parade Family Service Centre said men take a long time to "heal" when cheated on.
"It's a major tsunami to their self esteem and also pride." he said.
A mother leaving the family would also be a big blow to the children involved. He said: "If the mum was the main caregiver of the children, the would be greatly impacted."
Association of Woman for Action and Research president Constance Singam said current marriages are weakening because of "modern situation".
She added that the trend is not specific to Singapore but occurs in developed cities where woman are now financially independent.
"Both parties are working, are stressed out;they wan to work harder at the relationship but they are too tired to," she said.
men are not the only ones playing the cheating games on their spouses.
The number of wives having affairs has been rising over the last 5 years, lawyers and PLs told the Sunday times.
These married woman are usually career high-fliers in their 30s. Many travel often as part of their job, and usually get entangled with their bosses and colleagues.
More husbands are also divorcing their adulterous wives.
Lawyer Amolat Singh said that he used to get only 2 cases a year of husbands divorcing their cheating wives but last year, he saw 7 such cases.
Some husbands have resorted to installing spyware on their wive's computers to track their e-mail and messages. he said
Lawyer Koh Tien Hua noted: "Couples now spend alot of time apart and this increases the opportunities and inclinations for affairs."
Half of his clients seeking divorces are now men, when it was 40% previously.
Singapore saw an all-time high of 7,061 divorces in 2006 up from 6,909 in 2005 ad 6,388 in 2004.
LJ investigations & Consultancy Services said the number of men requesting checks on their wives has jumped 45%. Its director, Mr Lionel De Souza, said: "Today, men can cheat, so can the women."
Mr Vincent Tan, director of Commercial Investigations LLP, said: "A lot of woman travel or are posted overseas and may get involved with 3rd parties."
Each month, his firm takes on about 15 cases that involve matrimonial checks. Women used to be the one hiring PIs, but in the past 5 years, many men have asked for checks on their wives.
Mr Samuel Ng, executive consultant of Marine Parade Family Service Centre said men take a long time to "heal" when cheated on.
"It's a major tsunami to their self esteem and also pride." he said.
A mother leaving the family would also be a big blow to the children involved. He said: "If the mum was the main caregiver of the children, the would be greatly impacted."
Association of Woman for Action and Research president Constance Singam said current marriages are weakening because of "modern situation".
She added that the trend is not specific to Singapore but occurs in developed cities where woman are now financially independent.
"Both parties are working, are stressed out;they wan to work harder at the relationship but they are too tired to," she said.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
My Free Bazi Analysis hehe...
Personality and Character
You have a natural style and class and will usually get what you want. You are well attired, sophisticated but not snobbish. Born as a wheeler-dealer you can clinch deals every time when there is an opportunity. Having a tendency to excessiveness, you may have health problems ranging from overeating or alcoholism but do not worry, you are not self- destructive.
You are responsible, reliable and a supporter of traditions and customs. You possess the leadership quality and always command respect from others especially your peers. You can be a tough, rough and a ruthless person if the circumstances require it of you.
Romance and Compatibilities
You are a charming, attractive and mysterious person who will deeply be indulging in passionate affairs. People can fall in love head over heels with you. As a passive lover, you are always the object of someone's affection but he/she has to provide you the financial security. You respond well to tenderness but freak when your mate or lover made a fool out of you. Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio and Capricorn born in Dragon/Rat years are amongst your lovers.
Where love is concerned you are very confident what you are getting into. You are not only solid and generous but can also handle love without being suspicious or jealous. Though outwardly not demonstrative in your love but inwardly, you are passionate and your partner or lover may consider you as unromantic or unsure of your love for him/her. You prefer solid love rather than frivolous flings and looking for a long-term relationship.
Profession
You are strong minded, talented in creativity and interpretation and a very versatile person. With such talents, there is no problem for you to carry out assignments with speed and enthusiasm. You are also capable of attuning the happenings of world affairs. The ability to lower yourself to help your employee plus your charming personality can make them respect you. As an employee, you are serious in your work but your effort must be appreciated. Relevant careers like actor/actress, insurance sales, artist and politician suit you.
You are a trustworthy, solid and a confident person. You will excel in industries like construction and manufacturing. You enjoy and are drawn to solid work like building and constructions of highway, bridge and real estate. So logical professions like architecture, civil engineer, surveyor, mining engineering and any other careers related to solid work are suitable for you.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Latest Project
Latest "project" i did for a fren's fren hehe...
Busy for the last few weeks doing it, not bcos it's very complex, just cos customer keep changing reqs... haha
www.recruitlink.com.sg
A Simple website (according to customer's requirements) , got a little bit of reward... haha
Busy for the last few weeks doing it, not bcos it's very complex, just cos customer keep changing reqs... haha
www.recruitlink.com.sg
A Simple website (according to customer's requirements) , got a little bit of reward... haha
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