Sighzzz these few days dunno why have been feeling quite down coupled with the super warm weather...urgh...,
1st thing, my bro just finished his BMT, and came back to stay for 2 weeks before he gets his next posting. He's been complaining that his allowance is very little, he's getting $350 and my mum feels that he has not enough to spend thus keep buying things like shirts, pants ,wallets and other necessities for him. Ok I know that i shouldn't feel that way but I feel that she's practising favoritism, which makes me quite upset cos when i was in army I dun rem getting such treatments and what's more my allowance at that time was even less, $220 only...He's getting $130 more already can't he take care of himself and buy the stuffs he need himself? Grrr...
Seems that no 1 care abt me anymore...
2nd thing, been quite worried whether I will be able to save enough $$ to get married with my beloved dd.Dunno why,It's seems that the more I try to save, the more I would need spend. And though I am trying my best already it seems I am not making much progress,at most $300 every month and then in between my stuffs break down, i.e. my alarm clock spoil then I have to spend $$ to get a new one.... Grr...why? is it so hard to save $$? I've been trying very hard, very tired already...My dd says she wans to save as much as possible but she's been living a pampered life(mabbe she dosen't realise it) since young so don't really expect her to be able to save much, only hope is that she don't overspend than I'll b more than happy...
Many things I wan, I also refrain myself from buying...Pathetic? Now I really wish to spend some $$ just to please myself(and vent my frustration) but I noe that after i spend I will regret it cos i could have save the $$ for better use...
Then her family sigh...Keep associating wealth with a man's achievement and put very high expectations for me to achieve else I would be deemed "Mei Chu Xi"(worthless) by them. Sometimes I think my dd is also affected by this labelling. All I wan is to live happily Is that too much to ask? Why can't they have some sympathy on us, the men of this generation? Everything they say "it's a man's responsibility" I am not trying to shrink from responsibility but why don't we swap places and see how they will feel? Saying want this want that is easy, everything is easier said than done...Sometimes really feel like giving everything up lor...cos seems like no matter wat I do also can't meet the expectations...sighz...
Well nvm what can I do? sighzzz just have to press on lor else how? Sometimes it's just so hard to be a man...just wan to shout:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! to vent my frustrations....
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Saturday, March 05, 2005
"I'm Worried, I'm so worried"
This few days feeling quite vex becos of dd's carcar prob abit worried that she can't save enuff for the car or because of the car she have to live like a pauper... u can say I am now pondering whether urging her to buy the car is a good thing or a bad thing...
Reasons why I encourage to buy:
1)It's always her dream to own her car, and I feel she'll b happier if she do have one.
2)Car prices are cheap now, may not be able to afford in the future
3)wan to make use of this opportunity to let her learn how to save money
4)Prevent her from giving her parents more money (>500) so as to protect herself
5)Even if she don't buy, her money will also go to some other place and b lost forever without a trace.
6)Let her gain some "face" back.
Reasons why I am having 2nd tots:
1)she can't curb herself from spending more $$ even though she had planned to. She dosen't have the self-discipline and/or she is just not firm enough to put plans into actions.
2)worried that she'll have to suffer due to suddenly having much less to spend
3)Her parents will keep "borrowing" $200-$300 from her every month(on top of her allowance and she don't know how to reject them), To be honest she can't afford to lend them $200 when she is paying for the car lor.
just recieved a car from the car agent,that our orange picanto is coming, already paid upfront $2k now need to pay another $800 for 1st instalment and insurance. meaning I'll have to come up with another $400. Actually it's quite a heartache for me to part with the $400. cos it really take much effort for me to save up to the amt of $$ i have now. I hope this will be a lesson to her to teach her the virtues of savings. I am still a student yet i managed to amass $6K and at 1 pt I have $8K. It's not easy considering I have almost no income. But i guess this time the $400 I have to give to help her fufill her dreams, just hope it's not a short-lived 1. To be honest, I don't have much expectations of recouping the $2.4K from her and i don't want to add to her burden. If she can't "repay" the "loan" then nvm lor. I'll just slowly take my time to save back the $$ again but I guess $2.4k is just abt the max I can part with cos i don't want the $$ in my UOB to drop below $5K unless there's a emergency then that I've nothing to say.
I've been telling my dd to save up some years already, but that time she still have to study and thus have to come up with alot of $$ every year to pay her PT degree fees.Somemore she still have to satisfy her parent's "greed" for more allowance.( To me it's just to brag abt it in front of relatives n neighbours) thus i dont't blame her for having little or no savings that time. But it's been 6 months since she grad and though she's working her savings is still less than $2K.(see my FOR pt 3 and 5).Put it crudely I am not working, my income is almost 0 mabbe she can take a page frm me, I still managed to save a few $Ks, I do believe if I can do it so can the rest of the people even more so for those who are working and have a stable income. Perharps if she had heeded my advice earlier and start saving some $$ a few years back things will b different today, she'll b able to get her things she wan as and when she wan.Anyway no use crying over spilled milk wat's pass had pass.Just forget it.Just start from now.
I don't know what she take me for, but I do take her very seriously though we're not legally married, I've already considered her to b like a wife to me. I tell her almost everything and discuss with her over most matters(say except those that I forgot or those that need a speedy resolution). To me she give me the feeling that she will only come to me when she has a problem. example the insurance case, I don't even know that she bought a policy until she have already subscriped to it for almost year. Then i only came to know abt it when she wanted to terminate. In other stuffs though she came to seek my advice and though after we've discuss and come to a agreement on the next action step, she'll not execute it. Why is that so? Is it bcos I am not working and inexperienced so my advices are mostly "rubbish"? or is it I am just simply taken for granted? I dunno...*sigh*
Breakdown of dd's pay and my calculations:
income:
Take home pay :$1880
fixed expenditures:
Car monthly instalments :$285
Home allowance(home Tax) :$500
Season parking (monthly) :$75
car insurance (monthly) :~$200
var expenditures:
Food :$100 ($5 every meal,a month ~20 working days $5x20=100)
Transport :$~50 ($2 everyday($0.83 a trip) + some unexpected trips)
Car petrol,parking :$50(conservative figure hopefully can meet)
coupons, cash card
thus she still should have $620 if my calculations are correct and she still have to spend on some hidden stuffs like facials, Amore membership, etc...
Well hope everything work out well...well just voicing out my tots no hard feelings...just feel better after voicing out my concerns...
Sorry DD okok?
Reasons why I encourage to buy:
1)It's always her dream to own her car, and I feel she'll b happier if she do have one.
2)Car prices are cheap now, may not be able to afford in the future
3)wan to make use of this opportunity to let her learn how to save money
4)Prevent her from giving her parents more money (>500) so as to protect herself
5)Even if she don't buy, her money will also go to some other place and b lost forever without a trace.
6)Let her gain some "face" back.
Reasons why I am having 2nd tots:
1)she can't curb herself from spending more $$ even though she had planned to. She dosen't have the self-discipline and/or she is just not firm enough to put plans into actions.
2)worried that she'll have to suffer due to suddenly having much less to spend
3)Her parents will keep "borrowing" $200-$300 from her every month(on top of her allowance and she don't know how to reject them), To be honest she can't afford to lend them $200 when she is paying for the car lor.
just recieved a car from the car agent,that our orange picanto is coming, already paid upfront $2k now need to pay another $800 for 1st instalment and insurance. meaning I'll have to come up with another $400. Actually it's quite a heartache for me to part with the $400. cos it really take much effort for me to save up to the amt of $$ i have now. I hope this will be a lesson to her to teach her the virtues of savings. I am still a student yet i managed to amass $6K and at 1 pt I have $8K. It's not easy considering I have almost no income. But i guess this time the $400 I have to give to help her fufill her dreams, just hope it's not a short-lived 1. To be honest, I don't have much expectations of recouping the $2.4K from her and i don't want to add to her burden. If she can't "repay" the "loan" then nvm lor. I'll just slowly take my time to save back the $$ again but I guess $2.4k is just abt the max I can part with cos i don't want the $$ in my UOB to drop below $5K unless there's a emergency then that I've nothing to say.
I've been telling my dd to save up some years already, but that time she still have to study and thus have to come up with alot of $$ every year to pay her PT degree fees.Somemore she still have to satisfy her parent's "greed" for more allowance.( To me it's just to brag abt it in front of relatives n neighbours) thus i dont't blame her for having little or no savings that time. But it's been 6 months since she grad and though she's working her savings is still less than $2K.(see my FOR pt 3 and 5).Put it crudely I am not working, my income is almost 0 mabbe she can take a page frm me, I still managed to save a few $Ks, I do believe if I can do it so can the rest of the people even more so for those who are working and have a stable income. Perharps if she had heeded my advice earlier and start saving some $$ a few years back things will b different today, she'll b able to get her things she wan as and when she wan.Anyway no use crying over spilled milk wat's pass had pass.Just forget it.Just start from now.
I don't know what she take me for, but I do take her very seriously though we're not legally married, I've already considered her to b like a wife to me. I tell her almost everything and discuss with her over most matters(say except those that I forgot or those that need a speedy resolution). To me she give me the feeling that she will only come to me when she has a problem. example the insurance case, I don't even know that she bought a policy until she have already subscriped to it for almost year. Then i only came to know abt it when she wanted to terminate. In other stuffs though she came to seek my advice and though after we've discuss and come to a agreement on the next action step, she'll not execute it. Why is that so? Is it bcos I am not working and inexperienced so my advices are mostly "rubbish"? or is it I am just simply taken for granted? I dunno...*sigh*
Breakdown of dd's pay and my calculations:
income:
Take home pay :$1880
fixed expenditures:
Car monthly instalments :$285
Home allowance(home Tax) :$500
Season parking (monthly) :$75
car insurance (monthly) :~$200
var expenditures:
Food :$100 ($5 every meal,a month ~20 working days $5x20=100)
Transport :$~50 ($2 everyday($0.83 a trip) + some unexpected trips)
Car petrol,parking :$50(conservative figure hopefully can meet)
coupons, cash card
thus she still should have $620 if my calculations are correct and she still have to spend on some hidden stuffs like facials, Amore membership, etc...
Well hope everything work out well...well just voicing out my tots no hard feelings...just feel better after voicing out my concerns...
Sorry DD okok?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Money Woes
Grrrr.... today feeling quite frustrated cos had a argument wif my dd over some $$ matters...situation is like this, earlier she has decided that she won't give more than the $500 allowance including fees for the graduation photo shoot that she's gg to take. The shoot itself costs $488, abit extravagant right? ok but nvm since mabbe to her this is the proudest moment in her life to be a graduate. then including makeup for her grandmas, the cost should be around $600. then she've already paid $300 for the shoot alone and then give another $500 to her mum. so altogther this month she've spend $800 , and previously as agreed she say this month she'll not spend more than $500(includ allowance)...so can u see wat's happening? I feel very disappointed bcos I feel that if one make some promises, they should fufill it, if say dun give more than $500 then must keep it tat way mah.else people will keep on pushing and pushing..u give them a inch, they wan a yard. that's the way ppl are. I feel that my dd should protect herself lor and not keep being so submissive to her u-know-who. She should think for herself also...not say that she dosen't give them any allowance.
The reason i 'encourage' her to buy her car is to let her learn how to save. Frankly speaking her family dosen't have a good saving culture, They'll just spend and think later. So when there's some situation that requires $$, they'll just go 'borrow(or rather extort)' $$ from my dd which i feel is very wrong lor... I wan my dd to learn the virtues of saving. I never expect her to be as frugal as me(I spend only abt $200 a month),i've been taught since young to save $$.For my brothers and I, usually we'll only spend 1/2 of our pocket $$ and save the rest..but it's not for their case.
when they wan something then they start saving for it else they just spend everything.
Frankly I'm unhappy because my dd isn't firm enough to stick to wat she has said or agreed. When her ... wants $$, even though she has made up her mind not to give any more $$ for the month she'll still give. She's just too soft hearted. And she said her dad trying to shelter them and not make them lose face or watever. To me, their lifestyle is simply too extravagant. If not so well off then live a not-so-well-off life lah. No need for top of the range audio sys, BIG TV, fastest computer,NEWEST MP3 etc... I'm still living w/o air conditioning u noe and I'm quite satisfied.
Like her dad, i'm also trying to protect her, but not frm outsiders but frm her own family. I feel that they are treating her like a $$ tree. She must noe how to stand up for herself, have her own principles, NO means NO. YES means YES. Simple as tat. I don't want to see the scenerio whereby her car gets tow away for a few months stay at Maybank's car pound or that her life is so miserable bcos of the car. her salary is definitely enough to support a OPC but she has no xtra $$ to give to her parents for NEW gadgets. That's why I wan her to protect herself...If come to the point whereby i've have to stand up for her that would be disasterous, I dun wan to sour relationship between me and her parents that would put her in a tight spot i noe.
I know she didn't anyhow spend her $$ but if she gave the $$ she saved up to her parents for her bro's hi-tech gadgets that wat's the pt? It'll still come one full circle to sq 1.
I never expect her to return the $2k I gave for the downpayment and I never expected her to contribute any $$ for our future marriage purpose athough I hope that she'll be able to contribute some. All this while i've been trying to save as much as possible. I'm very tired also u noe, everyday lunchtime look for the cheapest food possible, control myself not to buy some things that I wish I could have,how to save more $$. Imagine if I am like her, dun have the habit of saving and dun even think of marriage at all then wat will happen mabbe the whole marriage thing will only b a dream. cos even 5-6 years down the rd we'll still b penniless. Is that the ideal situation. I dun understand why my dd keep thinking that my plan to marry at 28 is termed 'marry early' is 28++ yrs old young?? I've keep having tots of giving up the whole savings thing all together and leave everything to fate and destiny but just feel it's not right lor. so wat to do? just have to clench my teeth and trudge on...
Really very disheartening to see that ur love 1s spending their $$ away when u're trying to hard to save, especially so for me bcos i am not working so i can only save very little so after a lot of effot the amt only increase by a little...so sianz...
The reason i say put the $$ for the car insurance in another place is that I wan to try not to withdraw any $$ from our UOB acct. cos I'm afraid it'll bcome a habit, whenever have problems then think of $$ frm there.
Problems dun solve by themselves just like knots, u dun untie them the knor till just remain there.
Problems will only decrease when u solve them 1 by 1 if u just leave it there other problems will of cos add up. Simple theory right? To solve them u just have to b firm, once u've decided on wat to do just go and execute. U may hav a grand plan but if u dun execute it it'll just b a plan.Have some principles, dun sway from ur intended path.
The reason i 'encourage' her to buy her car is to let her learn how to save. Frankly speaking her family dosen't have a good saving culture, They'll just spend and think later. So when there's some situation that requires $$, they'll just go 'borrow(or rather extort)' $$ from my dd which i feel is very wrong lor... I wan my dd to learn the virtues of saving. I never expect her to be as frugal as me(I spend only abt $200 a month),i've been taught since young to save $$.For my brothers and I, usually we'll only spend 1/2 of our pocket $$ and save the rest..but it's not for their case.
when they wan something then they start saving for it else they just spend everything.
Frankly I'm unhappy because my dd isn't firm enough to stick to wat she has said or agreed. When her ... wants $$, even though she has made up her mind not to give any more $$ for the month she'll still give. She's just too soft hearted. And she said her dad trying to shelter them and not make them lose face or watever. To me, their lifestyle is simply too extravagant. If not so well off then live a not-so-well-off life lah. No need for top of the range audio sys, BIG TV, fastest computer,NEWEST MP3 etc... I'm still living w/o air conditioning u noe and I'm quite satisfied.
Like her dad, i'm also trying to protect her, but not frm outsiders but frm her own family. I feel that they are treating her like a $$ tree. She must noe how to stand up for herself, have her own principles, NO means NO. YES means YES. Simple as tat. I don't want to see the scenerio whereby her car gets tow away for a few months stay at Maybank's car pound or that her life is so miserable bcos of the car. her salary is definitely enough to support a OPC but she has no xtra $$ to give to her parents for NEW gadgets. That's why I wan her to protect herself...If come to the point whereby i've have to stand up for her that would be disasterous, I dun wan to sour relationship between me and her parents that would put her in a tight spot i noe.
I know she didn't anyhow spend her $$ but if she gave the $$ she saved up to her parents for her bro's hi-tech gadgets that wat's the pt? It'll still come one full circle to sq 1.
I never expect her to return the $2k I gave for the downpayment and I never expected her to contribute any $$ for our future marriage purpose athough I hope that she'll be able to contribute some. All this while i've been trying to save as much as possible. I'm very tired also u noe, everyday lunchtime look for the cheapest food possible, control myself not to buy some things that I wish I could have,how to save more $$. Imagine if I am like her, dun have the habit of saving and dun even think of marriage at all then wat will happen mabbe the whole marriage thing will only b a dream. cos even 5-6 years down the rd we'll still b penniless. Is that the ideal situation. I dun understand why my dd keep thinking that my plan to marry at 28 is termed 'marry early' is 28++ yrs old young?? I've keep having tots of giving up the whole savings thing all together and leave everything to fate and destiny but just feel it's not right lor. so wat to do? just have to clench my teeth and trudge on...
Really very disheartening to see that ur love 1s spending their $$ away when u're trying to hard to save, especially so for me bcos i am not working so i can only save very little so after a lot of effot the amt only increase by a little...so sianz...
The reason i say put the $$ for the car insurance in another place is that I wan to try not to withdraw any $$ from our UOB acct. cos I'm afraid it'll bcome a habit, whenever have problems then think of $$ frm there.
Problems dun solve by themselves just like knots, u dun untie them the knor till just remain there.
Problems will only decrease when u solve them 1 by 1 if u just leave it there other problems will of cos add up. Simple theory right? To solve them u just have to b firm, once u've decided on wat to do just go and execute. U may hav a grand plan but if u dun execute it it'll just b a plan.Have some principles, dun sway from ur intended path.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
My Birthday
Friday 25th Feb was my birthday, *sigh* so sad this year no presents...My mum gave me $12 ang pow and my dad gave me $20, my bro brought a slice of cake for me and my dd bought me a muffin to celebrate..that's about all. Mabbe will buy myself a small present to remember the day I turned 25...Happy Birthday to Me
DD's car car
Haha everything has been confirmed, dd's car car will be arriving mabbe in April or May when the next shipment of kia picanto arrives in singapore...before the booking of the car, honestly I feel very excited and very enthusiatic abt the whole thing but now after everything's been confirmed, strangely the feeling sort of died down. Before the car booking, I did a very deep analysis of the whole situation, whether the buying of car would be beneficial to us, our marriage arrangements etc... To many people, i guess the better way would be to save up the $$, purchase a hse then buy a car, that's wat i feel in the 1st place... to many people I think that would be a wiser choice also..Well I knew that buying a car would deprive us of much needed cash for our hse and marriage and mabbe set us back for a couple of years cos we have to save up $$ for everything, hse, bills etc...Marriage in Singapore isn't cheap. Anyway I think for our case it doesn't make much difference whether we buy house or car 1st..cos I guess most of the $$ for marriage would be my own burden.My dd dosen't really save much and i guess she would be happier if I let her buy her car car so that we 2 can go whizzing away during weekends...Many people around her have also given her advice to save the $$ to buy a hse 1st before buying a car and I guess these advices does have a effect on her but I've already told her b4 if she thinks it's ok then just go ahead...My worries is actually if she dun buy now when car prices are rock bottom then mabbe car prices will increase and she will not be able to afford...*sigh* I guess everything would have to leave it to our own fate...and in the meantime i will try to save $$, as much as possible so that we can get married as soon as possible...Now looking forward to "decorating" the car hehe
Saturday, February 19, 2005
carcar
Well my dd(and I) have decided to book a "off peak" Kia Picanto well if u are wondering wat is a "picanto" it's a CAR! haha you readers out there must be wondering why suddenly I got a 360 degrees about turn if u've been reading my earlier blogs..I've been stanchly oppose to buying a car and rather save the $$ for marriage wif my baobei dd.. Well i've not given up the idea of marrying as yet..I will continue to strive to save enough for marriage hopefully we can complete tat dream of mine at 28++ haha..really wish to take my dd's hand and walk down the aistle together...hmmm Ok i am digressing abit here...Ok we've decided to book a car so that the car would be our 2nd thing we have together actually it's her idea to buy , I have no driving license by the way haha but nvm I guess it would be a better for her to get the thing she wanted badly cos anyway she've been out of her PT studies for about 6 months now, but still her savings is not moving dunno what she spent her $$ on anyway so I guess it would be really difficult for her to save and much easier for her to spend..Well to spend on something that we can see and touch and use is much better than spending stuffs which she can't even see..like from july last year till now her savings still haven't gone out despite the fact that she's thrown away her study burden...and I dun see her buying any stuffs either...so i guess let her buy her carcar and at least she can get something she wanted badly...Anyway if she's happy I'm happy also haha...Well hope that we will be successful in getting the car at the price we wan and hopefull the COE dosen't shoot up too much until we have to drop the whole plan...Pray pray...Let the carcar be another milestone in DD's tale..! hurray!
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Ubi Car Showroom Trip
Today my dd(dd=gf) and I went to Ubi, you must be wondering what on earth are we doing there, Ubi is a ulu industrial estate in the east side of the island...and somemore we were there on a sat. haha we actually went to visit the car showrooms there for perodua (m'sia car maker), well my dd was thinking of getting a OPC just to drive around during and to ferry her dog around after work and during the weekends. Well I think you would agree with me that most couples who went to car showrooms are mainly husband and wife , I think we are behaving more like husband and wife now even though we are still officially classified as "single" in the government's register.. Haha We went to look at the perodua Kelisa and the Kia picanto(encouraged by the kelisa salesman). Basically both are small cars low fuel consumption and good for budget conscious ppl like my dd lor. After all we still need to save $$ for our marriage in the future mah so no point getting a too expensive car... Ok to compare kelisa is a smaller car, less room, less "cc" but the insurance is cheaper. The Kia Picanto is slightly bigger,(looks better also),the interior is more spacious, but the insurance is more expensive (and have more colors also). I think my dd like the picanto better although the kelisa is stronger recommended by her uncles. However since the pricing for both cars are about the same(say for the insurance) I think she might as well buy the car she feels more comfortable with, the one she likes better rather than she buy the kelisa already then lament on whether she would be better off is she bought the picanto right? afterall she does like the picanto better and I think it's better lor cos it's roomier and I think I'm more comfortable with it.Cos although it's a small cc car it doesn't look as pint-size as that kelisa + that kelisa with all the "freebies(sports rim, chrome look dashboard)" thrown in made it look like a ah beng car...Think we don't look like ah bengs hor? But ultimately the decision lies with her if she picks kelisa in the end then ok lor it's not too bad also..but i feel that when we buy things it's better to buy something that we like more right? somemore the pricing is roughly about the same...
picanto
picanto
kelisa
well mabbe many of u upon reading this will think that she is very extravagant and she should save the $$ for marriage 1st rather than buy a car at this time. I think many people would think this way, in fact I also feel this way too. But I must stress ed that this is only my personal view, I cannot expect everyone to think and feel like me right? I understand my dd (after 5 years of bf-gf relationship), she is the sort who always like to proof that she's better than others it's just her nature . I think that after 5 years of working, all she wans is a "trophy" to show that all her 5 years of slogging have bore a "fruit", that's her carcar. so I can understand why she wants to own a car so badly. wat's more, she has been used to being ferried around when she's young9by her dad) now that she's to take her own transport, naturally there will be a voidness in her all the more she will yearn for a car. I think we can afford a OPC for the time being lah...Actually I tried to dissuade her from buying a car and save for marriage 1st but now upon pondering I kinda changed my stand cos I noe that even if she dun buy car, she won't be able to save much also cos of her spending habits, she likes to buy jewelleries, stuffs for her dogs, etc...and when she don't buy anything, her family would ocasionally borrow(but no return) $$ from her and to fund her brother's high end electronic gadgets. I was hoping that she can used the car ownership to start learning how to save $$. Cos she has to plan for the car and her own living expenses so that at least she can learn how to save $$ and correct her extravangant way of life. Wat's more when she got little money in her hand she can't lend any to her family right? so in a way this will also help curb her family's extravagant spending habits as well. So at least if she buys her carcar which is something she wan rather than she spends her $$ on other things that she can't even see at all. Hopefully she can achieve her goal of owning a car, I must help her to save to make her dream a reality...
Think only then can she concentrate on saving for marriage although she won't be able to save much but as long as she tries I am more than contented..
+
+
=dd's happy family!
Sunday, January 30, 2005
******SiGhZzzz******
Suddenly filled with lotsa "emotions", I dun noe why but sometimes I will have certain "unexplained" feelings about life(gan chu) that just come and go...
Very often Life is fraught with difficulties, we have many things that we wan to achieve but there are always obstacles. Most of the time, we encounter some conflicts in ideas, and often we seek a compromise. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I dunno why I suddenly have this "lost" feeling. Why u ask me? I also dunno why just have this feeling of helplessness.
Case 1: My family have 6 members, there are 4 brothers in the family, now is the new year, thus everyone have to start cleaning up in preparation for the new year, but it seems that I am the only 1 doing it together with my mum, Well I can jolly well leave the whole thing to my mum to clean but then it's hard work climbing up and down thus someone have to help and when I help the others just watch. I just dunno why they are just so damn L..A..Z..Y. My 3rd bro is in NS BMT, I have already cleaned up the whole room, only left his wardrobe and bookshelves for him to clean ok I can understand, he just came back from army training(and sick somemore) which is suppose to be "siong". so I didn't expect him to help much just to clean and tidy up his own stuffs Is that too much to ask? I let him rest on Sat night then ask him politely to clean and tidy up his stuffs on sun morn I think this shouldn't take him more than an hour...but the moment he opened his eyes, his buttocks was glued to the chair and his eyes to the computer monitor. THen before I went out I reminded him again to tidy up and he said "Ok Ok" then I left the house but when I came back everything was still untouched..nothing was done! Urgh...We all stay in the same house so it's EVERYONE's RESPONSIBLITY to help clean up the house right? Just becos I help my mum in spring cleaning almost every year, all of them now assume that it's my job to do the cleaning, and if I didn't do it for 1 year, my dad would jumped(and nag/scold ) at me but not those whom never contribute anything over these years.Then my parents just because I am an early riser, I have to buy breakfast for my family every Sun(well almost) Well I don't mind that actually if everyone takes turns.I don't mind if I am get more of this "duty" as long as every1 else also go down sometimes, now it seems that waking up early is a bad thing. Then I remember previously I used to run most of the errands for my mum just because when my mum calls the others, they would flare up easily and started shouting, Then for this case it seems that my good temper is being taken advantage of. I don't like this feeling at all ...I don't wan to take advantage of others and similarly I don't want others to take advantage of me. And I like to buy things back to snack, eat ...Frankly speaking I dun mind sharing with my bros but it seems that this "sharing" is always I am the "giver" and never the "reciever". I don't feel good about this. Suddenly when I think of it I feel that being too mild tempered,waking up early ,sympathetic and responsible will let others take advantage of u? even ur own family members? Suddenly I feel like shouting out to each and every1 of them, "I DON'T MIND SHARING AS LONG AS I CAN BE THE RECIEVER SOMETIMES!" sometimes I am very tired of all this I am really tired...So FED UP..Urgh... Sometimes I feel tat is it becos I am too good, and I dun easily flare up that's why everyone's trying to take advantage of me? Now I buy things I eat alone I don't like to share anymore...cos it's pointless I am always the 1 buying they just noe how to pinch my stuffs to eat...they never contribute at all...
I don't know, now I am trying my hardest to save every penny I have, move out, marry my dd(hopefully she agree) but with my meagre attachment pay the more I think of how much I can save(only),many things I wish to buy now can only stay in my wishlist for the time being... I feel even more helpless...*sighzZzzz* Now all I can do is carry on hoping.......
Very often Life is fraught with difficulties, we have many things that we wan to achieve but there are always obstacles. Most of the time, we encounter some conflicts in ideas, and often we seek a compromise. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I dunno why I suddenly have this "lost" feeling. Why u ask me? I also dunno why just have this feeling of helplessness.
Case 1: My family have 6 members, there are 4 brothers in the family, now is the new year, thus everyone have to start cleaning up in preparation for the new year, but it seems that I am the only 1 doing it together with my mum, Well I can jolly well leave the whole thing to my mum to clean but then it's hard work climbing up and down thus someone have to help and when I help the others just watch. I just dunno why they are just so damn L..A..Z..Y. My 3rd bro is in NS BMT, I have already cleaned up the whole room, only left his wardrobe and bookshelves for him to clean ok I can understand, he just came back from army training(and sick somemore) which is suppose to be "siong". so I didn't expect him to help much just to clean and tidy up his own stuffs Is that too much to ask? I let him rest on Sat night then ask him politely to clean and tidy up his stuffs on sun morn I think this shouldn't take him more than an hour...but the moment he opened his eyes, his buttocks was glued to the chair and his eyes to the computer monitor. THen before I went out I reminded him again to tidy up and he said "Ok Ok" then I left the house but when I came back everything was still untouched..nothing was done! Urgh...We all stay in the same house so it's EVERYONE's RESPONSIBLITY to help clean up the house right? Just becos I help my mum in spring cleaning almost every year, all of them now assume that it's my job to do the cleaning, and if I didn't do it for 1 year, my dad would jumped(and nag/scold ) at me but not those whom never contribute anything over these years.Then my parents just because I am an early riser, I have to buy breakfast for my family every Sun(well almost) Well I don't mind that actually if everyone takes turns.I don't mind if I am get more of this "duty" as long as every1 else also go down sometimes, now it seems that waking up early is a bad thing. Then I remember previously I used to run most of the errands for my mum just because when my mum calls the others, they would flare up easily and started shouting, Then for this case it seems that my good temper is being taken advantage of. I don't like this feeling at all ...I don't wan to take advantage of others and similarly I don't want others to take advantage of me. And I like to buy things back to snack, eat ...Frankly speaking I dun mind sharing with my bros but it seems that this "sharing" is always I am the "giver" and never the "reciever". I don't feel good about this. Suddenly when I think of it I feel that being too mild tempered,waking up early ,sympathetic and responsible will let others take advantage of u? even ur own family members? Suddenly I feel like shouting out to each and every1 of them, "I DON'T MIND SHARING AS LONG AS I CAN BE THE RECIEVER SOMETIMES!" sometimes I am very tired of all this I am really tired...So FED UP..Urgh... Sometimes I feel tat is it becos I am too good, and I dun easily flare up that's why everyone's trying to take advantage of me? Now I buy things I eat alone I don't like to share anymore...cos it's pointless I am always the 1 buying they just noe how to pinch my stuffs to eat...they never contribute at all...
I don't know, now I am trying my hardest to save every penny I have, move out, marry my dd(hopefully she agree) but with my meagre attachment pay the more I think of how much I can save(only),many things I wish to buy now can only stay in my wishlist for the time being... I feel even more helpless...*sighzZzzz* Now all I can do is carry on hoping.......
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Reply to earlier comment by Haz...Hahaha
Hahaha I actually didn't notice that there's a comment on my blog for the blog I've Created on the 3rd of Oct..Although that matter had blown over(as always). But still felt a urge to reply haha...Pls be reminded haz that I am not trying to spark of another round of argument with you here just trying to reply that's all...
first of all I'll like to take u for that fantastic nick' u've given me "Mr Clear Headed" although I sense some scarasm in the wordings but I think I'll just take that as a compliment..haha
Of course I know that my gf's mouse is a super-duper machine gun that can sputter non-stop (and anything can come out from that mouth) when's she's angry. I don't know whether u've seen/heard it before but I do have the pleasure to experience it 1st hand. I guess in that situation U've just hav to stay away from her in case u r gunned down by her. Anyway the reason I've written the blog on this is also precisely the reason. That day she's angry and I can't tell her off immediately else it will just make her madder.So I guess the most effective way is not to keep quiet but to voice out to her when she's more settled(blown over her top), I knew that she'll read my blog that's why I chose to post it here so that at least she can be aware of how I feel. If I don't feedback, relationships can't improve right?
Ok now let's get things straight, I totally agree with ur idea on "GOALS" and getting married at 28(hopefully) and getting a house is just my goal, just a aim. there's no MUST in it cos it's just my personal goal just like getting a car is her goal. If by then I still can't achieve it than so be it. I wun forcefully insist on getting my way I think my gf is well aware of this.And I never really forbid my gf from getting a car.it's just that I feel that there's no need for a car now that's why I advise her against it.I think she misunderstood that as a "forbid". anyway if she insist there's nothing I can do right?
Haha, Yes u r right, having a house need a hell lot of CASH. I've taken that into account,that's why I've been trying to save as much as I can from now in preparation for that day.As I've said earlier buying a hse is only my goal, it gives me the motivation to save $$ else if I dun have that in mind, every now and then whenever I feel like buying some stuffs that I wan, I just go ahead and buy it, wun I be left with less in the end? wun I be drifting further and further away? Frankly speaking I also feel that ir's not really that feasible to be married at 28 in Singapore, I know that too but if I have that goal in mind at least even if I don't achieve it, I shouldn't be too far off right?
Anyway I just told her that that's my goal, I've never really want to force her into it if she don't want. So there's really nothing to talk about "taking and giving" here. If I can't save enough by then then just delay the whole thing, to be u either do it good or u don't do it at all, I think we are not those despos who wan to rush into marriage just because we wan to...haha
Ah Hem, Miss Haz a car is INDEED classified as a WANT, NOT a need I think u can find it in any psychological book. This is especially so in Singapore. I think I don't need to explain the meaning of Wants and Needs to you right? I am sure everyone has a copy of the "little Oxford's Dictionary". or u can find out the meaing from typing "wants and needs" from any internet search engine. Mabbe you would also like to search for "Maslow's Hierachy of Needs" then u will get my pt.
Last but not least I hav to emphasize this again. I don't mean that I MUST have a house, MUST get married etc.. by the age of 28. and I DEFINITELY did not forbid my gf to buy a car only trying to advise her. Mabbe my tone is wrong, but that's entirely my meaning. If we could only get married in our 30s or worse still 40s then so be it as long as when we are old and grey, the walking sticks we have is each other. That's all that matters.
Once last thing, it's also true that every guy want her love to understand them also.
first of all I'll like to take u for that fantastic nick' u've given me "Mr Clear Headed" although I sense some scarasm in the wordings but I think I'll just take that as a compliment..haha
Of course I know that my gf's mouse is a super-duper machine gun that can sputter non-stop (and anything can come out from that mouth) when's she's angry. I don't know whether u've seen/heard it before but I do have the pleasure to experience it 1st hand. I guess in that situation U've just hav to stay away from her in case u r gunned down by her. Anyway the reason I've written the blog on this is also precisely the reason. That day she's angry and I can't tell her off immediately else it will just make her madder.So I guess the most effective way is not to keep quiet but to voice out to her when she's more settled(blown over her top), I knew that she'll read my blog that's why I chose to post it here so that at least she can be aware of how I feel. If I don't feedback, relationships can't improve right?
Ok now let's get things straight, I totally agree with ur idea on "GOALS" and getting married at 28(hopefully) and getting a house is just my goal, just a aim. there's no MUST in it cos it's just my personal goal just like getting a car is her goal. If by then I still can't achieve it than so be it. I wun forcefully insist on getting my way I think my gf is well aware of this.And I never really forbid my gf from getting a car.it's just that I feel that there's no need for a car now that's why I advise her against it.I think she misunderstood that as a "forbid". anyway if she insist there's nothing I can do right?
Haha, Yes u r right, having a house need a hell lot of CASH. I've taken that into account,that's why I've been trying to save as much as I can from now in preparation for that day.As I've said earlier buying a hse is only my goal, it gives me the motivation to save $$ else if I dun have that in mind, every now and then whenever I feel like buying some stuffs that I wan, I just go ahead and buy it, wun I be left with less in the end? wun I be drifting further and further away? Frankly speaking I also feel that ir's not really that feasible to be married at 28 in Singapore, I know that too but if I have that goal in mind at least even if I don't achieve it, I shouldn't be too far off right?
Anyway I just told her that that's my goal, I've never really want to force her into it if she don't want. So there's really nothing to talk about "taking and giving" here. If I can't save enough by then then just delay the whole thing, to be u either do it good or u don't do it at all, I think we are not those despos who wan to rush into marriage just because we wan to...haha
Ah Hem, Miss Haz a car is INDEED classified as a WANT, NOT a need I think u can find it in any psychological book. This is especially so in Singapore. I think I don't need to explain the meaning of Wants and Needs to you right? I am sure everyone has a copy of the "little Oxford's Dictionary". or u can find out the meaing from typing "wants and needs" from any internet search engine. Mabbe you would also like to search for "Maslow's Hierachy of Needs" then u will get my pt.
Last but not least I hav to emphasize this again. I don't mean that I MUST have a house, MUST get married etc.. by the age of 28. and I DEFINITELY did not forbid my gf to buy a car only trying to advise her. Mabbe my tone is wrong, but that's entirely my meaning. If we could only get married in our 30s or worse still 40s then so be it as long as when we are old and grey, the walking sticks we have is each other. That's all that matters.
Once last thing, it's also true that every guy want her love to understand them also.
Comments from a bystander...
At 12:24 PM, haz said...
Hi,
That's something nice of you in saying what you posted in the beginning of this post... i'm sure ur gf, well i know ur gf is touched by how you feel towards her.
You seem to project yourself as a clear minded person, so i'll take ur word for it (since all i know of you is what i read from this blog, and from ur gf). So Mr. clear minded, be clear of one thing, don't ever take what a person said seriously during an argument. This is especially the case when it comes to your gf... weren't you the one who mentioned she's the emotional sort? (you should know her better than i do) Bad, unintentional, regretful things are said in arguments, we all know that, but when it comes the time, we all know just as well how difficult it is to control what comes blabbing out of our mouth. If an argument with some not-so-nice things are being said of you, and ur life crumbles just coz of that, then god bless you. My point is, don't be silly to ponder over the 'mean' things that were said in an argument... ur gf is regretful of what was said of you ...
Wow, so you've been "very clear abt what you want"... congrats. Oh so you've decided that getting a house is much more of an importance than ur gf's wish for a car, okay let's put this aside first...
Have you ever really asked for her opinions in going by YOUR plan of getting married with her when you both reach the age of 28? If yes, have you seriously considered if it is financially feasible in doing so? If you are tellin me "yes" again, then Mr clear headed, you're not so clear minded after all. What ppl do thesedays is that the very first thing they need in getting a house is having their CPF packed with $. People don't go around paying cash, other than the montly installments, for the initial payment. Oh so, what about the renovations right? If a simple house is what you really asked for, then renovations won't be much of a problem.. well unless you're asking for much more in one go, which you both could very well have "upgrade" or build on along your marriage life..
Argh, enough of the $ part... like the saying goes... "tan $ shan he chi" -- pardon my han yu ping ying.
So what you want is getting married at the age of 28,
what you want is (naturally) gettin a house by then,
what you want is for ur gf to help save up $ with you for the house.
And i've to agree with you on your wants since they sounded logical enough...
But, is she prepared for your 'wants'?
She is going along with your want to get married at that age, even though she personally feels you both wouldn't be financially stable at that time. And with that, she'd naturally have to go along with ur other plans since they're all tied together...
Hmm..Let's see.. who's the one giving... who's the one taking?
i don't want to really comment on her wish of getting a car.. by just want to say something based on my understanding... that her wish for a vehicle may seem somewhat an unnecessary luxury need to most... but think about the direct and indirect reasons behind it. Everyone has their goals, owning a car happens to be hers. It's just that the $ involved will get everyone to think it's more of a want than a need. Have you notice me saying it's her "wish"? Perhaps it's more of a goal that she tries to achieve... it's always good to have a goal in life, achieveable or not.
I don't think you'd want a girl friend who doesn't have a mind and hence, goals of her own... if you do, you might as well marry a _____ (fill in the blank).. if not, do expect conflicting interests, we r all individuals with different mindsets
i'm not saying your wish for a house before a car is wrong.. there's always reasons behind every decision/goal made, which you'd have to stop and think about it... (remember there are things in life that r personal fulfilments that we all hope to achieve before being tied down...) Ask yourself questions.. are you rushing things? is both party mentally and financially stable enough to step over to the next phrase of ur life?
One thing for sure, your gf's love for you isn't any lesser coz of these.. plus it hurts her just as much as you when you both argue... but i'm sure she loves you just as much as you loves her. this is what's important
Perhaps all a woman wants is for the man to understand what she feels~
All the best to you two :)
(sorry about my blah.. it's late and my mind's goin royak)
Hi,
That's something nice of you in saying what you posted in the beginning of this post... i'm sure ur gf, well i know ur gf is touched by how you feel towards her.
You seem to project yourself as a clear minded person, so i'll take ur word for it (since all i know of you is what i read from this blog, and from ur gf). So Mr. clear minded, be clear of one thing, don't ever take what a person said seriously during an argument. This is especially the case when it comes to your gf... weren't you the one who mentioned she's the emotional sort? (you should know her better than i do) Bad, unintentional, regretful things are said in arguments, we all know that, but when it comes the time, we all know just as well how difficult it is to control what comes blabbing out of our mouth. If an argument with some not-so-nice things are being said of you, and ur life crumbles just coz of that, then god bless you. My point is, don't be silly to ponder over the 'mean' things that were said in an argument... ur gf is regretful of what was said of you ...
Wow, so you've been "very clear abt what you want"... congrats. Oh so you've decided that getting a house is much more of an importance than ur gf's wish for a car, okay let's put this aside first...
Have you ever really asked for her opinions in going by YOUR plan of getting married with her when you both reach the age of 28? If yes, have you seriously considered if it is financially feasible in doing so? If you are tellin me "yes" again, then Mr clear headed, you're not so clear minded after all. What ppl do thesedays is that the very first thing they need in getting a house is having their CPF packed with $. People don't go around paying cash, other than the montly installments, for the initial payment. Oh so, what about the renovations right? If a simple house is what you really asked for, then renovations won't be much of a problem.. well unless you're asking for much more in one go, which you both could very well have "upgrade" or build on along your marriage life..
Argh, enough of the $ part... like the saying goes... "tan $ shan he chi" -- pardon my han yu ping ying.
So what you want is getting married at the age of 28,
what you want is (naturally) gettin a house by then,
what you want is for ur gf to help save up $ with you for the house.
And i've to agree with you on your wants since they sounded logical enough...
But, is she prepared for your 'wants'?
She is going along with your want to get married at that age, even though she personally feels you both wouldn't be financially stable at that time. And with that, she'd naturally have to go along with ur other plans since they're all tied together...
Hmm..Let's see.. who's the one giving... who's the one taking?
i don't want to really comment on her wish of getting a car.. by just want to say something based on my understanding... that her wish for a vehicle may seem somewhat an unnecessary luxury need to most... but think about the direct and indirect reasons behind it. Everyone has their goals, owning a car happens to be hers. It's just that the $ involved will get everyone to think it's more of a want than a need. Have you notice me saying it's her "wish"? Perhaps it's more of a goal that she tries to achieve... it's always good to have a goal in life, achieveable or not.
I don't think you'd want a girl friend who doesn't have a mind and hence, goals of her own... if you do, you might as well marry a _____ (fill in the blank).. if not, do expect conflicting interests, we r all individuals with different mindsets
i'm not saying your wish for a house before a car is wrong.. there's always reasons behind every decision/goal made, which you'd have to stop and think about it... (remember there are things in life that r personal fulfilments that we all hope to achieve before being tied down...) Ask yourself questions.. are you rushing things? is both party mentally and financially stable enough to step over to the next phrase of ur life?
One thing for sure, your gf's love for you isn't any lesser coz of these.. plus it hurts her just as much as you when you both argue... but i'm sure she loves you just as much as you loves her. this is what's important
Perhaps all a woman wants is for the man to understand what she feels~
All the best to you two :)
(sorry about my blah.. it's late and my mind's goin royak)
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Article From Straits Times
Found this article from the straits times dated 23 Jan 05, Quite meaningful read on...
Young, Single & Bankrupt
Old enough to drive, not savvy enough to stop splurging, they're a card away from financial ruin
By Leong Chan Teik
INCREASINGLY, young adults are joining Generation D - that is, Generation Debt.
The Official Assignee (OA), which administers the estates of bankrupts, says the number of undischarged bankrupts aged 30 or below jumped from 785 in 2001 to 1,375 last year.
Among them is former civil servant Patrick (not his real name) who was bankrupt two years ago at 27, with $33,000 in credit card debts. His marriage broke up soon after.
'When the couple came to me, they were blaming each other for their money woes. He said: 'She knows the high life as much as I do',' says lawyer Lim Choi Ming.
Patrick and his wife had frequently wined and dined at expensive restaurants, and bought a car and expensive goods - including a refrigerator that, amazingly, cost $2,000 - for their lavishly renovated flat. Trouble was, it was all on credit.
'I was taken aback. They were very young and shouldn't have had all that debt, but they did,' says Ms Lim.
The OA says 67 per cent of non-business related bankrupt- cies, regardless of age, arise from excessive use of credit.
Credit is expensive - charged at interest rates of up to 24 per cent a year - but many overlook that in their quest for pleasure and to keep up appearances.
The Credit Bureau says only 21 per cent of credit card holders aged between 21 and 29 did not 'revolve' at all from July 2003 to June 2004. In other words, only 21 per cent had a clean record of paying up in full every month.
It says rollover debt for this age group hit $205 million last November, or 8 per cent of Singapore's $2.6 billion card debt - the latter being a record high.
Those belonging to Generation D expect to live well as soon as they leave school - even if their income does not match their dream lifestyle.
'It's very common for young people to start going on overseas holidays before they even have a job,' says 24-year-old Sylvia Mun, a financial planner at Manulife Financial.
And when they start work and can no longer expect their parents to pick up the tab, they fall for credit card schemes that entice them to holiday first and pay back over, say, 12 months.
Cars are a particular weak- ness for young men.
Says Ms Mun: 'I know of guys who earn $1,600 a month who will buy a car - cheaper brands that cost $600 to $700 in monthly instalments. Petrol and other running expenses cost another few hundred dollars.
'Usually, they feel they need a car to attract a girlfriend. Or they see a friend buying a car and they want one too.'
Mr Kuo How Nam, the president of Credit Counselling Singapore (CCS), a non-profit organisation that helps people resolve their debts, says: 'We have had many cases of young adults who were intoxicated by their new-found earning ability and went on a spending spree.
'Very often, there is a disconnect between what they think they deserve and the income necessary to sustain this lifestyle. The gap is met using easy credit.'
Thus, among those who have not sunk into bankruptcy, many have spending habits and moun- ting debts that are putting them on the slippery slope towards it.
Take administrative assistant John, 27, who applied for five credit cards in one year, spent his nights at karaoke lounges, and bought nice clothes and a fancier hi-fi system for his car.
A friend cheated him too, he says, and now, his debts total $40,000. A bank referred him to CCS, which helped him devise a repayment plan. Three banks have agreed to it, but two others haven't yet.
He says: 'I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can avoid bankruptcy. It's a horrible thing to happen when I'm in my 20s.'
If all the banks agree to spare him, the mandated road to recovery will still be gruelling: Over the next few years, he will have to curtail his spending, repay his debt in instalments, and live without a credit card.
Too many temptations
ASSOCIATE Professor Tan Soo Jiuan of the National University of Singapore's Department of Marketing points out two recent trends that undermine any inclination young adults may have to save their hard-earned money.
First, they are bombarded by a proliferation of alluring IT gadgets and so-called lifestyle products and services. 'These are hyped up in the mass media as a status symbol. Handphones are the No. 1 culprit,' she says.
Second, credit pushers are aggressively targeting young adults. 'That leads to many temptations for those below 30, who are still struggling to establish themselves. They are particularly vulnerable because of poor personal discipline and financial prudence,' she adds.
The Credit Bureau says people in the 20-29 age group have on average 3.4 cards - a figure which is higher than, or equal to, that for other age groups except 30-34, whose figure is 3.6.
But averages mask what is happening in certain circles. Ms Josephine Koh, 27, the finance manager of a firm selling skincare products, says: 'Among my friends, it's common to have at least half a dozen credit cards and as many as 10.'
Some, but not all, people can handle the easy credit. Says Ms Koh: 'We are sensible. We don't spend to the limit, and we know that the interest rate is not low.'
Education is key to reining in overspending among the young, say some observers. Schools and parents need to teach the young Personal Finance 101. If nothing else, parents should not be present a sad example themselves.
'If parents are excessive spenders, they set a bad example for their children,' says Mr Vincent Chen, 56, a father of two sons aged 27 and 29, and a committee chairman of the Securities Investors Association of Singapore. 'I don't think there's a difference between a $150 shirt and a $10 one. I'm glad my sons are sensible about money too.'
If the ranks of Generation D are growing in Singapore, the rate is even faster in some developed countries. In Singapore, 6.4 per cent of undischarged bankrupts were aged 30 or below as at the end of last year.
In Australia, of the 22,639 people going into bankruptcy in 2002 to 2003, 9 per cent were under 25. In the United States, about 120,000 people aged 25 or under filed for bankruptcy in 2000, up from 80,000 in 1991.
Naivete about money has cost them dearly - all for a few fleeting moments of the high life.
Young, Single & Bankrupt
Old enough to drive, not savvy enough to stop splurging, they're a card away from financial ruin
By Leong Chan Teik
INCREASINGLY, young adults are joining Generation D - that is, Generation Debt.
The Official Assignee (OA), which administers the estates of bankrupts, says the number of undischarged bankrupts aged 30 or below jumped from 785 in 2001 to 1,375 last year.
Among them is former civil servant Patrick (not his real name) who was bankrupt two years ago at 27, with $33,000 in credit card debts. His marriage broke up soon after.
'When the couple came to me, they were blaming each other for their money woes. He said: 'She knows the high life as much as I do',' says lawyer Lim Choi Ming.
Patrick and his wife had frequently wined and dined at expensive restaurants, and bought a car and expensive goods - including a refrigerator that, amazingly, cost $2,000 - for their lavishly renovated flat. Trouble was, it was all on credit.
'I was taken aback. They were very young and shouldn't have had all that debt, but they did,' says Ms Lim.
The OA says 67 per cent of non-business related bankrupt- cies, regardless of age, arise from excessive use of credit.
Credit is expensive - charged at interest rates of up to 24 per cent a year - but many overlook that in their quest for pleasure and to keep up appearances.
The Credit Bureau says only 21 per cent of credit card holders aged between 21 and 29 did not 'revolve' at all from July 2003 to June 2004. In other words, only 21 per cent had a clean record of paying up in full every month.
It says rollover debt for this age group hit $205 million last November, or 8 per cent of Singapore's $2.6 billion card debt - the latter being a record high.
Those belonging to Generation D expect to live well as soon as they leave school - even if their income does not match their dream lifestyle.
'It's very common for young people to start going on overseas holidays before they even have a job,' says 24-year-old Sylvia Mun, a financial planner at Manulife Financial.
And when they start work and can no longer expect their parents to pick up the tab, they fall for credit card schemes that entice them to holiday first and pay back over, say, 12 months.
Cars are a particular weak- ness for young men.
Says Ms Mun: 'I know of guys who earn $1,600 a month who will buy a car - cheaper brands that cost $600 to $700 in monthly instalments. Petrol and other running expenses cost another few hundred dollars.
'Usually, they feel they need a car to attract a girlfriend. Or they see a friend buying a car and they want one too.'
Mr Kuo How Nam, the president of Credit Counselling Singapore (CCS), a non-profit organisation that helps people resolve their debts, says: 'We have had many cases of young adults who were intoxicated by their new-found earning ability and went on a spending spree.
'Very often, there is a disconnect between what they think they deserve and the income necessary to sustain this lifestyle. The gap is met using easy credit.'
Thus, among those who have not sunk into bankruptcy, many have spending habits and moun- ting debts that are putting them on the slippery slope towards it.
Take administrative assistant John, 27, who applied for five credit cards in one year, spent his nights at karaoke lounges, and bought nice clothes and a fancier hi-fi system for his car.
A friend cheated him too, he says, and now, his debts total $40,000. A bank referred him to CCS, which helped him devise a repayment plan. Three banks have agreed to it, but two others haven't yet.
He says: 'I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can avoid bankruptcy. It's a horrible thing to happen when I'm in my 20s.'
If all the banks agree to spare him, the mandated road to recovery will still be gruelling: Over the next few years, he will have to curtail his spending, repay his debt in instalments, and live without a credit card.
Too many temptations
ASSOCIATE Professor Tan Soo Jiuan of the National University of Singapore's Department of Marketing points out two recent trends that undermine any inclination young adults may have to save their hard-earned money.
First, they are bombarded by a proliferation of alluring IT gadgets and so-called lifestyle products and services. 'These are hyped up in the mass media as a status symbol. Handphones are the No. 1 culprit,' she says.
Second, credit pushers are aggressively targeting young adults. 'That leads to many temptations for those below 30, who are still struggling to establish themselves. They are particularly vulnerable because of poor personal discipline and financial prudence,' she adds.
The Credit Bureau says people in the 20-29 age group have on average 3.4 cards - a figure which is higher than, or equal to, that for other age groups except 30-34, whose figure is 3.6.
But averages mask what is happening in certain circles. Ms Josephine Koh, 27, the finance manager of a firm selling skincare products, says: 'Among my friends, it's common to have at least half a dozen credit cards and as many as 10.'
Some, but not all, people can handle the easy credit. Says Ms Koh: 'We are sensible. We don't spend to the limit, and we know that the interest rate is not low.'
Education is key to reining in overspending among the young, say some observers. Schools and parents need to teach the young Personal Finance 101. If nothing else, parents should not be present a sad example themselves.
'If parents are excessive spenders, they set a bad example for their children,' says Mr Vincent Chen, 56, a father of two sons aged 27 and 29, and a committee chairman of the Securities Investors Association of Singapore. 'I don't think there's a difference between a $150 shirt and a $10 one. I'm glad my sons are sensible about money too.'
If the ranks of Generation D are growing in Singapore, the rate is even faster in some developed countries. In Singapore, 6.4 per cent of undischarged bankrupts were aged 30 or below as at the end of last year.
In Australia, of the 22,639 people going into bankruptcy in 2002 to 2003, 9 per cent were under 25. In the United States, about 120,000 people aged 25 or under filed for bankruptcy in 2000, up from 80,000 in 1991.
Naivete about money has cost them dearly - all for a few fleeting moments of the high life.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
1 Step at a Time
I think most people will agree with the header mentioned above... And very often that's the case, take for instance, if u go university(for guys especially), u get higher education but u can only marry late... There's this phrase, Nothing's Perfect in this world..that's why u can't always have the best of everything... U can have many wans but somehow we have to be realistic...We noe that we can't fufill every wans at the same time... Most of us are not filthy rich, we can't expect to achieve everything we want at the same time, it takes time and effort to save up, to get the thing u wan one by one progressively just like sports, u cannot expect a non-runner to run a 21Km race without any practice right? of cos the runner will have to slowly run 2Km, 5Km 10Km ...then slowly build up his stamina then and only then can he complete the 21Km race, with a systematic approach like how he runs and the way he pace himself for every run will make it less likely for him to injure himself during trainings and force himself out of the race even b4 he begins... yes the training will be tough but the sense of acomplishment that u get when u complete the 21Km race is something that u can't describe with words...
Many a times we will be faced with alot of things that we would like to have but we can't have them all at 1 short due to limited capabilities but we should give up just because we dun have the capabilities now, in such a case we should prioritise, we should be able to judge using our logic and feelings which "wans" are the more important ones and which are the less important ones..Of cos we should fufill the more critical ones 1st then slowly proceed with the rest... Man's greed is insatisfiable, we will keep coming up with new wish-lists after we've finished with the present 1..This is not wrong, it's this desire that make man progress to scale new heights etc...., the desire to win to achieve more... It's a strong desire that motivates people, but this desire have to be controlled also else it can lead to serious "misbehavior" as men become over zealous in their pursue.We have to learn to be contended only then can we enjoy the fruits of our labor, with wat we have in the present then we can be in a happier and better mood to persue the next. If you are not contented, ur mind would just be filled with wat u wan and wat u wan in the future rather then stop for a while to rest,recharge and just b happy...
Many a times we will be faced with alot of things that we would like to have but we can't have them all at 1 short due to limited capabilities but we should give up just because we dun have the capabilities now, in such a case we should prioritise, we should be able to judge using our logic and feelings which "wans" are the more important ones and which are the less important ones..Of cos we should fufill the more critical ones 1st then slowly proceed with the rest... Man's greed is insatisfiable, we will keep coming up with new wish-lists after we've finished with the present 1..This is not wrong, it's this desire that make man progress to scale new heights etc...., the desire to win to achieve more... It's a strong desire that motivates people, but this desire have to be controlled also else it can lead to serious "misbehavior" as men become over zealous in their pursue.We have to learn to be contended only then can we enjoy the fruits of our labor, with wat we have in the present then we can be in a happier and better mood to persue the next. If you are not contented, ur mind would just be filled with wat u wan and wat u wan in the future rather then stop for a while to rest,recharge and just b happy...
Friday, January 21, 2005
No $$, No Talk
The government have been encouraging Singaporeans to have more babies to set up families etc...but the standard of living is just to high... for a average singaporean like me to save up enough $$ for everything, it would take a few years and for those not-so frugal ones mabbe it could take up to 10 years. Take me for instance, I really wish to start a happy family with my dd whom i've been together for 5+ years already not too long not too short but frankly speaking I don't see that being possible in the near future just by calculating the costs involved. My family is quite large so there's no way that my family can spare out a room to accomodate my future wife and me..even now I am sleeping in the living room..
some calculation for a marriage in SG:
HDB Flat - $20K
Renovations - $20K(at least)
Furniture and electrial appliances - $10K
Wedding photo shoot - $5k
Dinner/buffet - $10K
honeymoon -$10K(at least)
THe housing Loan may be paid by CPF so don't need cash for that but then all the other things added up u need at least $55K-$60K
if I save $1k/month(hopefully), then 1 year I would have $12K only, 2 Years $24K and only after the 5th year than I can have $55K for marriage, If I went to Uni(for guys) by the time they graduate they would be 26, + 5 years =31 years old! so then it's not that we Singaporeans want to marry late (or dun marry at all) the costs are just too high and many of us don't have the luxury of parental financial support, very often they wan this, wan that but then they didn't spare a tot of us their children.. Add a small car, that would mean a additional $6K per year (assuming $500 per month)... with tat how to save enough $$?
Frankly speaking, my dd is more of a "spender" rather than a saver lor and I think most gals suffer the same plight so I dun really blame her cos i noe she want to save
but most of the time there would be some unforseen incidents tat she encounter that she have to fork out her $$. She being a gal have to buy cosmetics, dresses and all the gal stuffs lah so that's where all her $$ gone to lor. So for our case guess I have to be the one saving the much needed cash...anyway just hope things will turn out fine and We will be able to achieve everything we want...Guess the most appropriate thing is not to think so much abt this but just try to save save save as much as we can starting from now..I really hope to be able to get married by 28(not very young), but I guess that's not a very realistic target now just hope to be able to get married by 30...
some calculation for a marriage in SG:
HDB Flat - $20K
Renovations - $20K(at least)
Furniture and electrial appliances - $10K
Wedding photo shoot - $5k
Dinner/buffet - $10K
honeymoon -$10K(at least)
THe housing Loan may be paid by CPF so don't need cash for that but then all the other things added up u need at least $55K-$60K
if I save $1k/month(hopefully), then 1 year I would have $12K only, 2 Years $24K and only after the 5th year than I can have $55K for marriage, If I went to Uni(for guys) by the time they graduate they would be 26, + 5 years =31 years old! so then it's not that we Singaporeans want to marry late (or dun marry at all) the costs are just too high and many of us don't have the luxury of parental financial support, very often they wan this, wan that but then they didn't spare a tot of us their children.. Add a small car, that would mean a additional $6K per year (assuming $500 per month)... with tat how to save enough $$?
Frankly speaking, my dd is more of a "spender" rather than a saver lor and I think most gals suffer the same plight so I dun really blame her cos i noe she want to save
but most of the time there would be some unforseen incidents tat she encounter that she have to fork out her $$. She being a gal have to buy cosmetics, dresses and all the gal stuffs lah so that's where all her $$ gone to lor. So for our case guess I have to be the one saving the much needed cash...anyway just hope things will turn out fine and We will be able to achieve everything we want...Guess the most appropriate thing is not to think so much abt this but just try to save save save as much as we can starting from now..I really hope to be able to get married by 28(not very young), but I guess that's not a very realistic target now just hope to be able to get married by 30...
Why Why Why?
I take TIBS bus service no. 180 to my IA company every morning... Thus very often I have to cramp in with the students who would also be going to school at about the same time as me..Yesterday, I came across a incident that really baffled me..This is how it goes. the 180 bus would pass by a busstop whereby there were a few schools nearby as such at that stop there would always (or most of the time) many students alighting at that stop. Yesterday morning as the bus was nearing the stop the bus driver deliberaty slowed down as he was approaching to stop expecting to hear the bell, but the bell never came even when the bus was just about to enter the bus stop, there was no bell..so like all bus drivers, the driver accelerated then right at in front of the bus stop, finally the bell came. the driver have to jammed on his brakes bringing the bus to a screeching stop. then let the students alight, there were at least 15 students alighting but NONE of them actually bother to press the bell before the bus reach the stop. Y is that so? They were too tired? and ALL of them were sleeping? or the bus is too packed thus ALL of them can't see that they have reached their stop? or they think that pressing the bell in advance is a very "paiseh(lose face)" thing? I really don't understand the reasons for them to press the bell so late. It's a very dangerous thing for the bus to suddenly jammed their brakes, wat happens if there'a a tail-gater behind? this could have easily cause a accident...mabbe the students don't understand the seriousness of this matter ..and being at the front of the bus at that time, I do heard the driver grumble abit but being in the service industry I guess they just have to take it... So just do hope that we Singaporeans can spare a thought for these bus drivers in future
Saturday, January 15, 2005
"You're Selected!..."
I am sure they are many "attached" personel out there. One of the popular question asked would be "why u choose me of all the others out there?" Different ppl have different criteria for their bf/gf selection process. Like Looks, wealth, 5Cs, character etc... My gf also asked why I chose to be wif her in the 1st place. Looks? partly, I think I do look beyond that, wat really attracted me to her is her personality. It's no secret that I have many female friends who are better looking than her. Looks is only a small portion to me...(see even she had become "better-nutriented" these few years, my love for her never wavered, in fact it has increased). For me I am looking for prospective wife in my gf, I don't blive in those passionate short-termed relationship, don't ask me why it's just not in my genes...Perharps influenced partly by my mum who keep telling me to be serious in relationships since young...
Getting to be wif my present gf over many months then(1999), I found her to be
sentimental(good can complement me, I am too hardfeeling, too stoned haha)
Simple, then all she wanted is a happy family which is also wat I wan,
Loves me,
I can communicate effectively with her,
Faithful(at least it seems to me then)
I think these are the few most important reasons that I think she would be a compatible sprouse to me then.
However, over the years after she started working, I feel she has changed a bit, her thinking have somehow been changed by wat she sees and the person she meet at her workplace. CAll this life experience lah or it's another kind of "Ling Wu". I do not blame her for that lah afterall when u love some1 u have to accept them for wat they are right? However sometimes she does irritate me wif her unreasonableness lah but then ok lah sometimes I am in the wrong too. I am the sort of person who only listen to logics..so I do not look beyond logics sometimes which make me quite inflexible sometimes. For a start, she is now not content just to have a hapi family and have me around to love her. Now she wans more things more material riches to "make up" for things that she didn't managed to enjoyed when she's young. as claimed by her. Mabbe she can try telling this to those ppl who are struggling to make ends meet everyday..mabbe it's due to the fact tat she's earning more $$ now and worklife isn't all that unstressful that she wants to vent her frustration and destress using some luxuries she wans to bestow on herself. It's not wrong lah...This is the single most drastic change in her lor...for me, my thinking is still the same...just a happy complete family is all I ask for, no need car if can't afford(a samll fam car would b nice if can afford), no need lotsa $$(enough to get by wif some savings for rainy days), no need big luxuries house wif maids serving u... I am really trying my very best working towards this goal of mine..that's why I've been actively saving all the $$ I can..I also have alot of things that I wish to buy (eg new gadgets) but I've been curbing my spendings...In her present situation it's hard for her to save $$ even if she wants, but imagine that if I want to buy everything that I want to buy then both of us would have no savings, no savings=no $$=no hse=no car=no marriage
that's why even if I "mei pan fa" I also try my very best to save...and try not to "actively spend" the road ahead is tough I do hope that I can save enough $$ to start my own CY-SL family, one that I can proudly call my own, a happy family wif her..Just don't noe whether she wants to b in it? Nevertheless no matter wat happens I will still work hard towards my goals and hope that the day do come...
P/S:Greed is never-ending it's a vicious cycle, after u get 1 think u wan the 2nd and 3rd etc... I prefer to enjoy wat I have in present rather than keep thinking wat I want after I get my 1st..This is just me,simple mind, not-so-nice-looking=nerdy
Friday, December 31, 2004
Asian Tsunami
I guess everybody in town would be talking about the great tsunami that killed 120000 people so far in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Thailand Malaysia and other countries that are near the epi centre of the powerful earthquake(which measures abt 8.9 on the Richter scale) . For those who have not listen to the news on TV or read the newspapers, A tsunami is bascially a VERY hugh wave. "Tsunami" is a japanese word which means "harbour wave" and for that particular killer wave that killed so many people and destroyed so many villages and cities along the coast of the affected countries, it is said that the wave measured up to 10m high in some areas. 10m...wow is roughly 3 stories high...Feel so sad for those who died and for those who have lost their family members in this disaster, really pathetic...Entire villages were destroyed and widespread destruction everywhere. Now it sets me thinking what would I do if I was there...
For me if I met with such disaster, and most likely I would be with my present gf. If ever she was swept away by the tsunami I think the instantneous reaction from me would be to swim out with the wave too and try to save her...Even if I can't save her perharps we could die together. Now I am not trying to be heroic or what. I have never seen a tsunami before but I can say that my love for my gf is so strong now that if she were to be swept away, I will try my best to save her or die trying to do just that...
For me if I met with such disaster, and most likely I would be with my present gf. If ever she was swept away by the tsunami I think the instantneous reaction from me would be to swim out with the wave too and try to save her...Even if I can't save her perharps we could die together. Now I am not trying to be heroic or what. I have never seen a tsunami before but I can say that my love for my gf is so strong now that if she were to be swept away, I will try my best to save her or die trying to do just that...
Sunday, December 26, 2004
5 Long years already ...How time files
Ah Nov 4 2004, this is the date of the DD aniversary..sounds bewildered? wat date is that? Well once past this date means that my gf and I have been together for 5 years already liao lor..haha 5 years just past like that..Rem the time I knew in Poly days sure brings back some nostalgic feelings.. Alas everyone have to grow up...Both of us have changed since then... I think it's due to the fact that both of us have gained some life experience since then... Thus for a couple(nowadays) to remain together for 5 years, I considered that as a form of acomplishment already... It takes alot of understanding and tolerance from a couple to keep a relationship going... I am very grateful to my gf for having done that, to tolerate my tempers now and then and not giving up on my during my NS and Uni as alot of gals have done...sometimes I just can't find time to spend with her cos i am not exactly a super bright student thus I do need to spend some time on revision but I'm glad she's quite understanding in this matter...
We do have our fair share of quarrels now and then but somehow they seem to get solved .To me our roles seems to be reversed, her character in relationship is like a guy's while I'm more sentimental and more like a gal haha... cos I will always think about things like marriage, children housing... (most of the time quarrels are due to this also). The other thing is Trust, To me personally, i've always trusted her, thus even when she goes out wif other guys, I trust that she'll still be true to me(even when she attended her fren's OCS passing out ball)..Afterall if 2 person dun even have trust for each other how are they going to live together in the future? After all I look upon her as a wife one that I will have to eat,live and sleep together , One whom I can share secrets, One that i can cuddle in a crouch and watch TV together, one who will always be there for me when i need support and one who will be by my side even when the whole world have given up on me. I mean isn't that suppose to be? Isn't the relationship between man and wife suppose to be such?
Both of us have our flaws I will talk about mine 1st:
...I am too hardfeeling, I am very sentimental to relationships means I take relationships seriously, however even when I lost something of sentimental value to me I will not feel sad, this may sound contraditory but I dunno this is just me , tak e for example, my house's hamsters, one of them died recently, when they were alive I like them very much and I take good care of them however when one died, seriously I tell u I dun feel really sad for the lost of it. I mean when I saw them I've already prepared myself that one day they would die. Mabbe this is the reason I dun feel sad cos I've already prepared myself. I think for my gf's case would be very different. she would cry her heart out if one of her pets died haha I dunno what would be her reaction if something happened to me.Touch Wood
...For me Planning is everything, and when I plan I tend to look at the big picture like wat will happen to this if I do this ... I want to be systematic in everything I do and now wander aimlessly then get something on impulsive. However sometimes I tend to look just at the big picture to the sense that I neglect the nitty gritty details and hurt others just to accomplish bigger goals.
3)Too realistic, I never dare to dream for what seems impossible to me now, u can say that I am a very practical person. Thus to her, I will seem to be a worthless person, not ambitious enough, For me all I wanted wif my life is to be normal, have a happy family and just be happy. I've never ever wanted to be rich(if I could then that would be great), own a few ferraris, porsche live in a big house...etc To be the most important thing is to be happy and to achieve that you will need to enjoy what you have now rather then worrying about wat you want and how to get in the future. To be contented is bliss(chinese saying). Thus I never ever set my tots on things that seems to be far far away from me prefering to take things 1 step at a time and being realistic..
Now what my gf is to me:
1)Hot tempered lah, stubborn lah when u get into a quarrel with her haha she will insist on her ideas no matter wat u said cos nothing goes in when she's angry when she's in this state of mind. Wat she says is the ABSOLUTE correct thing. No other thing is more correct then hers...must give her some time to think then she'll be ok.
2)Guillible, haha good news for sales promoters. Dunno why she rather believes things that her colleagues/friends said rather than my words sad sad..
3)her "multi-tasking" ability is bad..super bad. Haha she have always been like that no improvement after 5 years haha. When someone comes, she tends to neglect the other 1 and focus most her attention on the other. Thus u can say that I'm often the 1 who feel neglected when someone else come to visit her when I'm around...sad sad also.
In spite of all this I feel very happy when I'm with her I think this is the part that keep the relationsip(my side) going. in terms of shortcomings, I think we complement each other and this is wat keeps the "boredom" out of the relationship cos our differences brings new life and sparks everyday to the relationship thus everyday will be a new and interesting day for us....
I do hope that we will live happily ever after and be happy always and of cos less conflicts lah haha
Some of our pics are avail here:see any changes?
http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sunboi80/album?.dir=/7244&.src=ph&.tok=phdjTRCBWqLRMhYC
P/S:My Blog mostly abt her but her's is almost entirely abt herself sad sad..
We do have our fair share of quarrels now and then but somehow they seem to get solved .To me our roles seems to be reversed, her character in relationship is like a guy's while I'm more sentimental and more like a gal haha... cos I will always think about things like marriage, children housing... (most of the time quarrels are due to this also). The other thing is Trust, To me personally, i've always trusted her, thus even when she goes out wif other guys, I trust that she'll still be true to me(even when she attended her fren's OCS passing out ball)..Afterall if 2 person dun even have trust for each other how are they going to live together in the future? After all I look upon her as a wife one that I will have to eat,live and sleep together , One whom I can share secrets, One that i can cuddle in a crouch and watch TV together, one who will always be there for me when i need support and one who will be by my side even when the whole world have given up on me. I mean isn't that suppose to be? Isn't the relationship between man and wife suppose to be such?
Both of us have our flaws I will talk about mine 1st:
...I am too hardfeeling, I am very sentimental to relationships means I take relationships seriously, however even when I lost something of sentimental value to me I will not feel sad, this may sound contraditory but I dunno this is just me , tak e for example, my house's hamsters, one of them died recently, when they were alive I like them very much and I take good care of them however when one died, seriously I tell u I dun feel really sad for the lost of it. I mean when I saw them I've already prepared myself that one day they would die. Mabbe this is the reason I dun feel sad cos I've already prepared myself. I think for my gf's case would be very different. she would cry her heart out if one of her pets died haha I dunno what would be her reaction if something happened to me.Touch Wood
...For me Planning is everything, and when I plan I tend to look at the big picture like wat will happen to this if I do this ... I want to be systematic in everything I do and now wander aimlessly then get something on impulsive. However sometimes I tend to look just at the big picture to the sense that I neglect the nitty gritty details and hurt others just to accomplish bigger goals.
3)Too realistic, I never dare to dream for what seems impossible to me now, u can say that I am a very practical person. Thus to her, I will seem to be a worthless person, not ambitious enough, For me all I wanted wif my life is to be normal, have a happy family and just be happy. I've never ever wanted to be rich(if I could then that would be great), own a few ferraris, porsche live in a big house...etc To be the most important thing is to be happy and to achieve that you will need to enjoy what you have now rather then worrying about wat you want and how to get in the future. To be contented is bliss(chinese saying). Thus I never ever set my tots on things that seems to be far far away from me prefering to take things 1 step at a time and being realistic..
Now what my gf is to me:
1)Hot tempered lah, stubborn lah when u get into a quarrel with her haha she will insist on her ideas no matter wat u said cos nothing goes in when she's angry when she's in this state of mind. Wat she says is the ABSOLUTE correct thing. No other thing is more correct then hers...must give her some time to think then she'll be ok.
2)Guillible, haha good news for sales promoters. Dunno why she rather believes things that her colleagues/friends said rather than my words sad sad..
3)her "multi-tasking" ability is bad..super bad. Haha she have always been like that no improvement after 5 years haha. When someone comes, she tends to neglect the other 1 and focus most her attention on the other. Thus u can say that I'm often the 1 who feel neglected when someone else come to visit her when I'm around...sad sad also.
In spite of all this I feel very happy when I'm with her I think this is the part that keep the relationsip(my side) going. in terms of shortcomings, I think we complement each other and this is wat keeps the "boredom" out of the relationship cos our differences brings new life and sparks everyday to the relationship thus everyday will be a new and interesting day for us....
I do hope that we will live happily ever after and be happy always and of cos less conflicts lah haha
Some of our pics are avail here:see any changes?
http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sunboi80/album?.dir=/7244&.src=ph&.tok=phdjTRCBWqLRMhYC
P/S:My Blog mostly abt her but her's is almost entirely abt herself sad sad..
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Communication Skills
Well I have just finished a short course on "Effective Interpersonal Skills". Basically it's a cause that teaches you how to improve your interpersonal skills and I find it quite useful(Most people will need to improve their interpersonal skills somehow) although I feel that the theory are a bit crap lah haha..Anyway as part of the course, I have to read up on a book titled "Reaching Out Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self Acutalisation". Some of the extracts that I want to share from the book:
What is Communications? Communications, simply put it is the exchange of message to satisfy some personal needs. To live is to communicate, all living things communicate by their own means unique to them. Thus the importance of communications cannot be over emphasized?
Communications between 2 person can be viewed as consisting of 7 basic elements:
1)Intentions of the sender
2)Encoding of the message, How the sender want encode their feelings, ideas into the
message
3)Sending the message, How the sender want to deliver the message
4)Channel
5)Decoding of the message by the reciever, how the reciever percieve the sender's
message
6)Internal Response of the reciever
7)Noise, surroundtings or other sources disrupting the message
Not all the time, the communication process is effective i.e the reciever understands all that the sender wants to send. Misunderstandings can arises from a number of factors:
1)Lack of trust, suspicious of the sender
2)Evaluative and Judgemental, keep telling what the reciever ought to do.
3)Emotional/Social sources of noise, not listening
4)Underlying meaning of the message is not recognised
5)Intentions of the sender is not always clear
Tips to effective Communications:
1)Take ownership, use "I" in messages don't speak for others
2)Be descriptive not evualutative, dun judge the sender
3)Understand other people's perspective, what you say may mean another thing to them
4)Use relationship statements (statements that has ideals to improve relationship)
5)Ensure 2 way communications
*Hope readers benefited from this post hehe
What is Communications? Communications, simply put it is the exchange of message to satisfy some personal needs. To live is to communicate, all living things communicate by their own means unique to them. Thus the importance of communications cannot be over emphasized?
Communications between 2 person can be viewed as consisting of 7 basic elements:
1)Intentions of the sender
2)Encoding of the message, How the sender want encode their feelings, ideas into the
message
3)Sending the message, How the sender want to deliver the message
4)Channel
5)Decoding of the message by the reciever, how the reciever percieve the sender's
message
6)Internal Response of the reciever
7)Noise, surroundtings or other sources disrupting the message
Not all the time, the communication process is effective i.e the reciever understands all that the sender wants to send. Misunderstandings can arises from a number of factors:
1)Lack of trust, suspicious of the sender
2)Evaluative and Judgemental, keep telling what the reciever ought to do.
3)Emotional/Social sources of noise, not listening
4)Underlying meaning of the message is not recognised
5)Intentions of the sender is not always clear
Tips to effective Communications:
1)Take ownership, use "I" in messages don't speak for others
2)Be descriptive not evualutative, dun judge the sender
3)Understand other people's perspective, what you say may mean another thing to them
4)Use relationship statements (statements that has ideals to improve relationship)
5)Ensure 2 way communications
*Hope readers benefited from this post hehe
Sunday, October 03, 2004
3rd Oct 2004
4 years ago on this day, I was enlisted into the army, still remember how my gf held my hand and cried cos we shall be apart for a few months. I was really touched by her gesture then and I've made up my mind that She's the one for me. My OC in BMT mentioned that if a gal is willing to wait for u throughout army then most likely she's the 1 for u. My gf is still the same gal as then. and I've never once questioned myself that I've made the wrong choice. I've always been grateful to her for the years she wasted waiting for me to finish NS and studies b4 we can walk up the aisle. For her, I've been trying to shorten her wait time by scimping every cent that I possibly can. I am happy when I'm wif her, everything that we did together I still remember clearly, every milestone we cleared together even though we have our fair share of quarrels and disagreements, I've never once doubted her... I'm always looking forward to the day where holding her hands and walking up the aisle.
Since young I've been asking myself wat is it that I want from life? All I ask for is a simple happy family, nothing more nothing less. Is that too much to ask? Recently she said I made her look like an idiot, she suggested that I am calculative, arrogant and mean. To me she's the one that I feel whom understand me most(besides my mum), the one who loved me most, to heard those words coming from her mouth, I was totally devasted, the whole world came crashing down on me. Despite my efforts and almost 5 years of relationship, so this is her impression of me, to her I am only trash. All along I knew that I was not in the no1 spot in her heart, her mum and ah ma etc...all come in front of me. but i dun mind, I just want that little spot then I am happy already. For me I've always been clear in the things I want. THe disagreement arises due to our conflict of interest, she want to buy a car while I discourage her bcos I am for the idea of buying a flat 1st. knowing that the car instalments would set us back by at least 2 years. Perharps the way I conveyed this idea is wrong, and she got angry...I am very clear abt wat I want, and I am a very systematic person. to me a hse is defintely much more impt asset than a car, and like most things, we should have a solid base then slowly build up from there...I dunno how she see things, I am not against her buying her dream car but sometimes I feel that that can wait as it's not that impt. I've been working hard to please every1 especially her, so this is wat I get in the end? I'm utterly disappointed and tired of all this, lost all my fighting spirit and motivation.
Tell me am I wrong??? Yes I am angry but sometimes all A man wants is to hear a simple apology and all is forgiven...
Since young I've been asking myself wat is it that I want from life? All I ask for is a simple happy family, nothing more nothing less. Is that too much to ask? Recently she said I made her look like an idiot, she suggested that I am calculative, arrogant and mean. To me she's the one that I feel whom understand me most(besides my mum), the one who loved me most, to heard those words coming from her mouth, I was totally devasted, the whole world came crashing down on me. Despite my efforts and almost 5 years of relationship, so this is her impression of me, to her I am only trash. All along I knew that I was not in the no1 spot in her heart, her mum and ah ma etc...all come in front of me. but i dun mind, I just want that little spot then I am happy already. For me I've always been clear in the things I want. THe disagreement arises due to our conflict of interest, she want to buy a car while I discourage her bcos I am for the idea of buying a flat 1st. knowing that the car instalments would set us back by at least 2 years. Perharps the way I conveyed this idea is wrong, and she got angry...I am very clear abt wat I want, and I am a very systematic person. to me a hse is defintely much more impt asset than a car, and like most things, we should have a solid base then slowly build up from there...I dunno how she see things, I am not against her buying her dream car but sometimes I feel that that can wait as it's not that impt. I've been working hard to please every1 especially her, so this is wat I get in the end? I'm utterly disappointed and tired of all this, lost all my fighting spirit and motivation.
Tell me am I wrong??? Yes I am angry but sometimes all A man wants is to hear a simple apology and all is forgiven...
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Men Vs Animals
Have you ever wondered what sets us(men) apart from animals? is it the fact that we can walk on 2 and they have to be on fours?No what really sets us apart from animals is our more advanced ability to think and analyse...However the sad thing is that in reality this is harder to do than said...People always want to hear and see what they want to hear and see.Good advice often fell on deaf ears or get misinterpreted into something bad just because it's not the words that we want to hear...
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